So I believe in God. Have always believed that God exists. I don't know why I have always had that belief but I have. To believe in nothing is a foreign concept to me. Having a relationship with God though is different than just believing that there's some big guy out there. I've had a relationship with God since I was 22 I can honestly say. It is like any relationship with a human, sometimes there are periods when you are really close and then there are times when you are distant. Like any relationship there are struggles. This past year was definitely a struggle. I was down right angry and defiant. I was mad at God. Mad that whenever I think things are about to turn out the rug is pulled out from under me. I knew though that I didn't like being in this place with God. I didn't like being mad at him. I didn't like feeling like I had to still love him and be obedient, I wanted to love him and be obedient. The fact that I didn't wasn't the issue, the fact that I wanted to and couldn't was my struggle. So I did the one thing that I have always known I should do and haven't. I started tithing. Now by tithing I'll explain. I've started to give more money yes, but I've also found myself praying more for other people, doing acts of kindness for others, giving in all of my other areas of my life, not just money. Now to explain the money thing because this is what I think most people struggle with the idea of it I'll explain. God says in the bible to test him; give him what is his (10%) and he will bless you tenfold. Well the first week I joked with my cousin, "I'm going to buy me a husband". I wanted God to bless me tenfold in the area of a husband. However I did actually journal that I would take whatever blessing he felt I needed whether it be: my friend being cured of breast cancer who had recently been diagnosed, my brother and sister-in-law expecting again, my dad finding a job, or a man being put in front of me. Whatever it would be I would gladly accept the blessing. So I gave and waited.
Well a week or so later my friend went back to the doctor to see what treatment options she should undergo. How about pills.....why? Because she is cancer free and the pills are a precaution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How's that for a blessing!
So I continued to tithe. Each week feeling more and more blessed and excited to give because in turn I was excited to see what would happen.
So about the time I started tithing though a single man started coming to our church. He always sat on the other side of the church with people I know but don't really know that well. So this past Saturday night my friend encouraged me to introduce myself. I didn't feel it was the time. So I prayed that night and got my money ready to give. I prayed to God that if I was to meet this man could he just make it blatantly obvious to me; could he just circumvent the circumstance so that we would meet. So I go to church that morning and am singing away and who sits smack down right in front of me?! I almost burst out laughing. Okay God I get it. I will introduce myself. My friends husband leaned over and asked me, "been praying much?" to which I happily answered, "yep". So at the end of service I introduced myself to the man and had a brief chat. I'm turning it over to God to lead the relationship. You see this past summer my pastor asked me, "Jody do you believe that God can give you a Christian husband?" I said, "Do I believe that God is going to plunk a man down in front of me in church and say 'here you go' Nope." Well I don't know if this is the man that I will marry but what if it is. That would be an AMAZING testimony that GOD DOES EXIST.
So if you read my blog and don't believe I hope that my little story makes you at least wonder if he is real and wonder how he could also bless you. My biggest blessing to receive would be that everyone I know, knows God like I do because honestly the reason why I can be happy most of the time and see the positive is because I believe that God does exist.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I don't believe that divorce should be as easy as it is. People buy a car and make a commitment to make payments for a number of years and there are some people that are more committed to making the payments on that vehicle than they are to work on a marriage.
A while ago I met an elderly couple through my work. I'm going to call them Joe and Mary. Joe and Marry have been married for a number of years. Mary now has Alzheimer's. Joe looks after all of Mary's needs. She no longer has dementia, the precursor to Alzheimer's where she's forgetful and sometimes miserable. Now she is at the stage where she has regressed to the point of being an infant now. Total care. She is in a wheel chair, she no longer communicates through words but instead grunts every once in awhile.
The first time I met them I met them in an office. Joe drove up in an old Chev single cab truck. From the back he got Mary's wheelchair, he carefully carried her out of the truck and into the wheelchair. He came into the office, making sure he told her everything they were doing and ensuring he didn't get her feet knocked around on any doors or corners. When they were in the meeting room she made some sound and Joe quickly rubbed her arm and said, "It's okay love we won't be long."
When we were done meeting he just as carefully wheeled her out and just as carefully lifted her into the truck again.
This week I went to their home to meet again. They live in an ancient farm house that was very drafty so they both were wearing layers of clothing and a hat. Mary was dressed in her Sunday best it looked like. Again he talked to her just as lovingly and when she reached out for his hand he took it and caressed the top of her hand while we talked.
Now this couple makes me smile with a tear in my eye. The love that Joe has for Mary when Mary is no longer Mary and really Mary can no longer reciprocate the love that Joe has for her. To love a person this much is what I think marriage is about. For Better or Worse. This is definitely the worst and Joe is in the worse and through that time he still loves Mary.
I want this type of marriage. The type where when the worst comes we know we will still love each other and get through it.
I have another story similar but different to this one and maybe another time I will share it. So for anyone that reads this blog and is married, when you think your marriage is at it's worst, is it as bad and Joe and Mary's and what are you going to do about it?