Life after a three year old

When I signed up for being a mom I knew that everyday wasn't going to be roses.  I've written before of all the changes in Jacob in the past year now here is a post dedicated to how he has changed my life.
My house will forever be in a state of "getting cleaned".
You will always find trucks, cars, trains or food somewhere deep under my couches.
No matter how hard I try I can rarely seem to get anywhere on time anymore.
I no longer spend days eating only cheerios for supper (breakfast maybe, but definitely not supper).
I sit at the table for meals. 
I have a table!
I pray at every meal.
I no longer spend a lot of my time doing nothing, aka tube watching.  I used to have shows that I watched every night of the week, now I can't figure out what I watch because I never seem to have a tv routine, not such a bad thing.
I eat fresh vegetables every day.
My toothpaste no longer lasts nor does my expensive conditioner because twice now he has poured both into the tub while I was busy doing other things.
I always have yogurt in the fridge; never mind that I just have a fridge full of healthy food.
I had to make a choice between my pet and my child.
I actually know what is on the tree house channel and that I don't think Spongebob is so great.
I can't just run to 7-11 at 10pm at night for a pop; that I didn't ever really need in the first place.
I need to watch the blinking sign in church for number 228 now in case I need to leave and pick up a screaming kid from Sunday school.  (thanks to all the workers for putting up with the vocals)
I look forward to movies now just for the popcorn because I haven't gone to an adult movie in ages.
I've learned to shower at night so that my hair is dry in the morning to do because I don't have time to do both in the mornings.
I've learned that you can live on little sleep because toddlers don't always sleep through the night.
I've learned that as much as I look forward to nap and bedtime I look even more forward to when he's awake.
I've learned that you can wash my couch seat cushion covers when Jacob thinks that he should give the dog milk to drink while he has it tied up on the couch. 
I've learned that nothing is ever safe and so it is just always better to be safe than sorry.
I've learned that life just is not the same and it will never ever be that way again.
I've learned that all the time I waited to be a mom has been worth the wait because now I'm a mom forever.

Starting all over again

As of February 8th I could apply to adopt again.  You have to wait one year after placement of a child to wait again.  Now I had done my homework.  I have the Child and Youth Enhancement Policy in my office.  I have it for work purposes because there is a portion on youth transitioning into adult hood and adult services and my office is listed in it as part of the adult services.  So a few months ago I drug out the binder and read the section on adoption.  It said that application could be made again one year after placement of a child. 
So today I contacted my social worker and asked her for the application papers to apply to adopt again.  She did up a package I picked up and as I was filling it out I thought maybe I should give the website a quick peruse, just to see if there were any new children available.  There was a sibling pair; girl and boy ages 6 and 2.  I thought this is a perfect age group if I was going to adopt a sibling pair as my "ideal" child is either older or younger than Jacob so to have one of each would be great!  So I email the social worker.  She responded that even though I already had the package I actually couldn't start the process until September as this is when Jacob became legally mine.  WHATT!!!????  Instantly I was ticked off for a variety of reasons. 
1) What policy manual was she reading because the one I have says one year after placement; not legal.
2) In July I had been told the legal process would be started but it didn't happen until I started questioning it in August and September.  So if I have to wait until then because of someone not actually doing what they said they would ticks me off. 
3) Who is this benefiting?  Kids being kept in the system for longer periods of time is not ideal so why have a year after placement; which is based on someone doing paperwork?!
So I didn't respond at first.  I was ticked and knew better than to say something right then.  Plus I'm very wary of being too much of a pain in the you know what and then getting the label of annoying client.  We all know those people.  However if I have to go down that road I would because it is for the betterment of my potential child and family and I don't care if I have to have that label in the long run.
So I left the office and then returned after lunch.  There was an email from my sw'r.  She said that she double checked with her supervisor and it was indeed a year after placement, not legal and she apologized.  Hallelujah! 
So I have filled out all the papers, made my doctor's appointment and contacted my references to ask them to speak on my behalf about my parenting.  So I'm thinking maybe mid March I'll have everything and a meeting with my social worker to discuss my preferred child and be put back on the wait list!

Busy- and I hate saying that

Have you ever called someone and the first thing they say is "oh I'm so busy"?  I used to hate hearing that.  Now I find myself saying it, I used to think it was an excuse to not keep in touch but I'm now realizing it isn't an excuse, it's reality.
I've realised I am a person that likes to have a lot on my plate.  I don't know if I have adult ADHD or ADD and it doesn't matter because I don't really believe diagnosis give you any more insight into a person either than funding when you need it. 
So things on my plate currently are: mom full time, work full time, course through work for the next 13 months; meetings every two weeks and trips to the city every second month, my last two courses for my degree for the next 6 months, pampered chef; seems to be one party/show a month; and I'm applying to be a marriage commissioner.  Plus of course I'm a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, etc that all needs to be fit in there somewhere.  I have no idea how all of this happened but I do have to admit that I like the pace.  I'm more organized the more I have on my plate.  This past weekend I actually cleaned my house top to bottom, even took down my shower curtains and washed them!  Got all my laundry done and put away all by Saturday night so Sunday and Monday (which was a holiday) were free days to lounge around, go swimming with Jacob, and spend quality time!
Now why am I writing about this; well at Christmas time I was busy with baking, making homemade gifts etc.  The director of our program did baking and gave it to each Public Guardian and my boss brought it in to share with all of us.  Some people were making snide comments about how did she find the time, was she wonder woman.  Our director is a mom to a little girl of 9, she's in the office early, home late, but she does crafts and baking with her daughter on the weekends and when she does make it home on time.  I've been to her house and that week she had finished making mustard pickles so she gave us each a jar.  I am very similar to her.  Last night I got home and made bread for us, on the weekend I was invited for supper somewhere so I quickly made up some brownies.  At Christmas all my co-workers got a tin of nuts and bolts.  You can come to my house at any time and steal a jar of canned peaches that I made this summer.  I find the time.  I was quite offended when they were chiding about our director being wonder woman because I share similar traits to her.  That we care enough to find the time to make and give something home made isn't something to make fun of I don't think.  It isn't what we are giving but it is that the time we took to give.  I value that.  I think I've swayed way off topic, but who cares it's my blog right?!
Anyways I guess the point is that even though I have a lot on my plate I will still make time to take Jacob swimming, read him a story at bedtime, bake bread, and get my housework done!

A year in reflection

February 6th was officially one year since Jacob came home.  I've been thinking about this post for awhile and thinking about what/when I would write.  Today seems like a really good day since we both tried each other's patience all day so a good time to reflect on all the positives instead of dwelling on this one grumpy day.  I even told Jacob he could call me "grumpy diesel" today, one of his trains is named grumpy diesel and the face on the train is exactly how I felt all day.  From the time he woke up he just seemed to be over the top whiny and cried over everything.
Okay, enough negative.
So in the past year we've had so many things happen, bumps along the road and smooth pavement too.  I can't believe the changes in him.  Physical, he's only 4 lbs heavier this year, but 3 inches taller!  I know!!!  In the past week I've had half a dozen people tell me how he has grown and he just seems so grown up.  He does still fit the first pair of jammies I bought him, mostly because when I bought them they were too big.  He's in size 4 and some 5 clothing now, where as before he was in size 2-3,  the boy is going to be taller than me by the time he's 12!
He loves baths now.  Last night it was an hour long one!  This a big change from the crying and screaming of dislike for 25 seconds, because that's as long as baths used to be.  In fact every night he wants one; I'm trying to convince him of having one every second night because he hates having lotion put on and having that many baths dries a person's skin out.  What a change though.
He now loves Gertie.  I remember the day he came home he sat on the couch and just watched the dogs and it took several months for him to warm up to them.  Today he spent the majority of the day playing with "Gert".  He pulls her around on the leash and she just follows, never seeming to get annoyed.  Then he has to snuggle with her at bedtime and she happily jumps up on his bed to go to sleep.  I'm shocked that she still wants to be around him by the end of the day!
He has become quite the little dancer and I know all parents have this idea that their kids are gifted and I'm no different, so he'll be joining something musical soon.  The minute any music is on he stops, listens, and then his little hips get going and his foot taps and pretty soon he's trying to do the worm on the floor, stomping his foot, and dancing around. 
He plays with other kids now.  This is huge.  I can remember the first few times of going to a friends house and he didn't pay attention at all to the other kid.  Now he may not always join in if he isn't interested in what they are doing but he will if they are doing something he likes.  This is a trait that I hope he keeps.  Don't fall into peer pressure, it's okay not to do what everyone else is doing.  I hope he learns this trait from his "momma" still I get people absolutely shocked that I'm single and adopted by myself.  It happened again 3 times this week.  People almost sputter, at the idea, not in a negative way but just shocked that you would consider doing it. 
He's POTTY TRAINED!!!!!  Now this was an almost since August.  He would have occasional accidents, but for the most part would hold it until he was taken to the bathroom.  Then this Friday he said "go pee" and went running to the bathroom and been great every day since! 
He talks a mile a minute.  Seriously, I can't believe that only 4-5 months ago he would only say one or two word sentences.  Now he is constantly chattering away.  He knows the nursery rhymes, Humpty dumpty, cat and the fiddle, twinkle, baa baa black sheep, and on, his favorite these past few days has been I'm a little Tea pot.  I love nursery rhymes and had gotten an book of the old traditional ones and then at speech was told nursery rhymes are the best books to read kids because they are repetitive and have a rhythm.  So we read them several times a day. 
Now for the biggest change.  I'm mom.  This past week I had to be out of town for 3 nights, 4 days, the longest I'd been away from him.  On day 3 he told my parents, "Where mom, need go home."
He knows it and that is awesome and so even though today was a tough day we're a family and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

Money??!!

Jacob had all of a sudden learned the concept of money.  Whenever he can't get a toy to do what he wants he says, "oh no broken need go store buy new one, need money"  or "need screwdriver, go store buy need money."  Not sure how he has come up with this concept really because I don't talk much about money or involve him in money, such as getting him to pay at a store or even say about needing money.  Lately it has become so much that I told him the other day "you need a job to get money."  To which he said "no".  Well today I asked him to throw something in the laundry and he went to do it.  I gave him money.  He now has a little money jar.  I don't know if he's too young for this but he seems to understand the concept of needing money to buy things so from now on he will need to bring his money to the store if he wants something.  It's weird though because I don't even buy him something every time we go to the store.  I rarely do actually, so I'm not sure how he learned this concept.  I wonder if paying him for going pee on his own will work??

We're "normal"

A few months ago Jacob began to self-stim.  For people that don't know what I'm talking about self-stim is when a person does something to comfort themselves.  It is sometimes a child sucking their thumb.  Jacob's case was a bit different.  He would chuckle to himself and make body movements as well as vocalizations.  The issue with self-stim is that sometimes the person is escaping into their own little world and it is hard to get them to join into the rest of the world.  He would do it non-stop if allowed.  I was frustrated at the time and did what I knew and spent time in his face playing with him so that he couldn't escape into his own little world. Eventually it pretty much disappeared.  However I realized that what brought it on was my going back to work and then I realized that when he did it when I first met him he was coping with all the change going on, not that it was part of who he was, like how I thought.
So to help me to help him cope with change better I had made a self referral to a program called CASA, they deal with infants and children under the age of 4.  You meet with counsellors and psychologists and they do an in depth assessment of the child and situation.
Today was our day to go.  It was a 2 hour assessment filled with questions and observation.  The end result is that Jacob has had trauma in his life with all the changes but that now his adjusted to the current situation.  He may for years to come have anxiety about situations that he doesn't know everything about.  He is delayed in his speech but is making leaps and bounds with it and is catching up.  He likes to chew on hard toys which I need to replace with gum, and either than that he is a normal little boy and all of these things are normal things in other kids as well.
So why did I feel the need to go through this process??  Because we do go to speech and one of the aides that we deal with, the minute she heard self-stim, assumed he had autistic traits.  Now the drawback of small town supports is that they see a limited number of children and don't really see the worst case scenario kids.  So my opinion is that they are looking for what is wrong with the kid and assuming more than it really is.  Versus the city where they see those kids that are really really high needs, so seeing a kid like Jacob to them is just a normal developing little tyke, no issues.  So I can now take the report that they will send me to speech and say, no autism, no issues, only speech so lets do what we're supposed to be here to do, work on speech, not diagnosing my son, who is PERFECT!!!!!

My dog.

This is my dog Gracie.  I've had her since she was a puppy, almost 11  years.  I have always had the attitude that a dog is a dog is a dog is a dog.  They are animals, not family.  That is until you have to make a tough decision.  Gracie has always been a dominant dog.  She's territorial.  She perceives that all space is hers.  She always has, for as much as I think I'm the dominant in the house, and I am, she thinks she is 2nd in command.  I knew that she and any child would be a challenge.  Jacob doesn't really engage with her, he likes Gertie and will play with her but Gracie he pretty much leaves alone.  So over the past 11 months there have been 3 incidents.  Once Jacob did go in her space; she was hiding under the picnic table and he crawled under, she snapped didn't bite.  Then another time she snapped again, this time though she was on the couch, totally not her space, and he crawled up, she perceived it as her own and snapped, this time though she got the tip of his ear.  I consoled him made sure that he was fine then when he wasn't in the area dealt with her.  She's been outside ever since.  She comes in at night to eat and sleep but either than that she's out.  She does have a thick coat and shelter so she's fine out there.  I am at a loss of what to do though.  Does she become an outside dog now and that is how I deal with it, do I put her down, do I try to find someone who will take her?  I've emailed two trainers to ask them for suggestions or see if they would think she can be rehabilitated.  My dream is that we buy an acreage and then she can be an outside dog all the time with a doggy door to the garage.  This way she has warm shelter whenever she wants and all the open space she would like.  She doesn't go after Jacob, for the most part she ignores him as much as he ignores her, we only run into an issue when she thinks its her space and he's in it.  Ugh, I hate this decision.