A few pictures......

 This was Jacob's first day of pre-school.  We're working on smiling for the camera!  This is a work in progress.

Annual picture at our favorite fishing; even though we caught 0 fish there this year!  The spot is still beautiful.

Goofing around!

reverse disability/reverse discrimination

I've been in the human services field for awhile now.  Long enough to know that there is a concept of reverse disability/reverse discrimination.  I probably need to explain what I mean when I use these two terms because I don't think that they are known to most people.  Basically it means that because someone has a disability their treatment is overcompensated to the point that they are treated better than someone who doesn't have a disability.  So to explain further.  Have you ever been hit up to donate so that someone with a disability can go on a trip?  I have; I've never donated.  No one has ever given me a donation so that I could travel.  Or, what about a person with a disability given allowances for rude behaviour?  I've seen that too.  Having a disability does not excuse bad manners; Temple Grandin actually said that!  I heard her with my own ears at a conference one time.  She was the best speaker I had ever listened to.  She basically said that the reason why she is successful in her life is because her mom had the same expectations for her as she did for her other children.  That Temple would have manners, go to school, get a job, and be a contributing member to society.  I completely agree.  If you make excuses for a person with a disability not to have the same expectations you have for yourself you really are discriminating against them and saying, "well your special so we don't expect as much from you."  Really?!  Maybe people don't intend that but when you break it down that is exactly what it is saying.  Now don't get me wrong I know that not everyone is able to have a full time job and live on their own and etc, but they can have the same responsibilities I have to the best of their ability.  One area that I see quite often the ideology of reverse disability is when support people attempt to do "everything".  Do you not believe that they are capable of doing anything?  Just yesterday I met someone who had a less than great relationship with their parents.  The supports wanted me to come in and take this person's legal rights away so that the relationship with the parents would change.  This person knew that they didn't like how the relationship was and they knew what they could do about it but in their own words they said they didn't want to "go down that road".  So then I told them that my rule in life is that you can complain about something for only so long but then you either have to do something about it or stop complaining.  I'm sure the people around the table thought "how could you say that to this poor disabled person".  Well they are a person first and they have responsibilities too and in this case the responsibility is to stand up for yourself or choose to continue to be treated like crap.  Your choice, and me taking away your rights will not fix that.  The people around this person I think are being discriminating to them because they don't think that the person has any responsibility in the situation and so therefore are treating them differently.  This I think is so wrong.  So that's my beef for the week.  Next time I promise to blog about Jacob and about our little family, the original intention of this blog.  But I hope today's reading makes you think, do I treat people differently if they have a disability?

I've wondered how many people look at me and think that I'm very career focused based on where I've been and what I've done.  The truth is actually that I would walk away from my career and all the accomplishments in a heartbeat to be a full time mom/wife.  I do appreciate where I am now don't get me wrong but it isn't where I really want to be; it's where I am.  I find myself at another spot when I have a choice of staying where I am or pursuing a goal and going for the gusto in regards to my career.  I wasn't actually going to even apply for the position.  It is a management position within our department and there are only 5 in the entire province so to hold this position really is quite a feat and I acknowledge that.  I have to say though that if I were to read the ad for this position and then read an ad for the position of a wife and mother I would  much rather apply for the latter position.  Not so right now though.  Funny; this is the first time I've been in a relationship where I've made it blatantly clear that my goal is not to work forever or even for the next 10 years with my significant other right now.  When I discussed applying for this position with him he said, "well do whatever it is you want to do."  To which I responded, "I don't want to be working is what I would like to do but that isn't a choice I have right now so I work because I have to."  So I'm pretty sure he gets the picture that I don't want to be a working mom forever.  Now of course I am going to be negotiable about this factor.  My biggest hesitation of the whole "moving up the ladder" issue really is that you get used to a financial comfort level and, I don't mean to brag here but no matter how I say it is going to come out bad, I make darn good money for a woman in this community.  This has definitely allowed me some level of comfort, as well I've been able to pay some bills down much quicker than I would have had I stayed in other positions.  Lord help those that are reading this because I know I'm rambling and jumping topics.  My jeep is going to be paid of in January and then my aim is for a few things; one buy a quad for Jacob and I, and two pay off my student loans ASAP.  I will then be debt free.  Yes I will save for a down payment on a house but I keep thinking that's a silly thing to do simply because I'm going to get married and he has a house.  NO we are not engaged, but I know we will end up married.  So for me to buy a house and then have to turn around and sell it doesn't make sense.  Plus anything that I really like has been on the market for so long that I would be scared about the re-sale of it in a year or two when I was ready to sell it.  So I guess I need to just put money away anyways for savings for whatever; oh I know, maybe a wedding!  Okay, back to the job.  I did apply and I have an interview Tuesday morning.  I'm not worried and actually I don't even think I will be successful but there may be two positions available.  This is going to be confusing so bare with me.  Whenever there is a management position available they offer 2-6 month secondment positions and then at the end of the year the position goes to open competition and you apply for the job permanently.  SO right now there is one 6 month position available.  I don't think that I have a big chance in getting it, but we'll see.  I do know that I'm a bit bored in my current position and I have been looking for other opportunities and challenges so this may be my answer.  In all honesty I actually hope that I get the second position, not the first.  I'm trying to finish my degree and I'm 2 courses away, currently in one so if I buckled down I could finish by the time I was able to do the position and so I don't think I'd be as stressed.  Then there is also my personal life.  I feel like a juggler sometimes.  I wish we could have 28hr days.  In the fall I'm on the road a lot; every fall it seems like this.  Then I'm doing schoolwork, Jacob has BG club one night a week; I'd like to be part of an adult bible study because I've done it in the past, oh, and the poor man in my life; I told him he's my Saturday night guy so if he's busy on a Saturday night we don't see each other but every few weeks.  Oh how I wish I had a nanny!  Not because I want someone else to parent Jacob but because I would like for him to be in his own home more and my house cleaned!  Because somehow I still need to get laundry done; dishes washed and vacuuming done in the week as well.  Hence the reason I rarely ever blog anymore.  I told a close friend that I would gladly walk away from my career to be a stay at home mom.  He told me that I'd be bored.  To which I said, if I was bored, I'd sit on a board!  You can still be involved and make a difference to the community without working in it.  That's what I'd do.  Aaah, if I could just find that wand to make my life how I would like it to be.  Until then I will work and do the best job I can at it and if that includes continuing to move up the ladder, I'm ready to take the next step. 

Valuable information

This past week I attended my annual conference for work.  One of the topics was end of life care decisions.  Now this is a topic that comes up quite frequently in my work.  We are dealing with aging people and so you need to make that decision.  Often I try to be proactive and start the process before there is a crisis because then everyone already is aware of what the plan is.  I've learned more and more about what happens at the end of a persons life and how death occurs.  Some interesting stats for you to take in is that on average 90% of people wish to die at home; of this stat only 42% actually do.  Most people spend 80% of their life health dollars in the last 2 weeks of their life.  SO if in your life the health care you used was $100,000.  In the last 2 weeks you would have used up $80,000.  So why does this happen.  Well people don't want to die so they try to remain alive as long as possible even when the only sure result is death.  The doctor that was presenting putting it very well.  "we can't make you undead if you are going to die eventually".  It's a fact of life that everyone is going to die.  He acknowledged that the medical field does a very poor job of explaining what happens at the end of life so this has created a fallacy that you can be "healed" from death.  We all know that's not true though.  SO what has caused the biggest fallacy???  You probably are going to think I'm cracked when you read it but it is CPR!!  CPR was discovered in the 60's and it's intention was to be used when a healthy person went into cardiac or respiratory failure for unknown causes; ie, they had no other health issues at the time.  So what are the stats of CPR; oh and these are stats from Edmonton done in 97-2007.  If a healthy person with no other presenting health related issues has CPR performed the likelihood that they will resume normal life afterwards is 19%.  19%!!!!!  That's not how it is in the movies and on tv??????  That's right.  So what about the other people; well 12% will end up with some resulting health issues from the CPR being performed, this could be a trachea, brain damage, punctured lungs and fractured ribs are inevitable, and possibly other internal organ failures and damage.  Then of course there is the other group that ends up with so many resulting health issues that they end up living in a long term care facility.  And of course the last category, you end up dead.  So what if you are sick or terminal and you want CPR performed to save your life.  0% that you will return to your previous life.  Some may be resuscitated and live a few more hours but like said before if you are death's door there isn't any way of making you undead.  I wonder if people really realize this.  When discussing end of life with some people they want "everything" done.  However everything being done isn't going to cure you if you have a terminal illness or if you are just plain old and it is your time!  You won't go into cardiac arrest, die, have CPR done and revived and come back 63 when you are really 84!  So why would I post something as uncomfortable as this.  Because I think people should have the information.  This way they can discuss it with their loved ones and when the time comes everyone can feel comfortable that they are doing what you would want.  For me that is NO CPR!  I'm comfortable with dying; I know where I'm going to go and my affairs are all in order.  Now there is a difference though, do I want to die.  Nope, but I do know that one day the time will come and that day will be okay.  This is what the dr said most people struggle with.  They don't want to die and aren't ready and so therefore want the dr's to do "everything" to save them.  However the dr's aren't going to be able to make you ready to die and more comfortable with dying that is something each person has to do on there own.  So think about what I've written, talk to your doctor and your loved ones. 

Time Stop: no wait go faster; no stop.......

Jacob starts pre-school on Monday!  I thought I was ready for it until now all of a sudden I realize how fast he is growing and how quickly time is going by.  Life is funny because on one aspect I so want life to slow right down and savor each moment.  I love being around Jacob; don't get me wrong there are times when I like to be alone.  However whenever I'm off work early or can spend time with him I choose to rather than being alone.  I was alone for a long time and I've had enough of it.  I want to be with my son.  I enjoy being with him and spending any and all free time with him.  Yet still I wish I had more time.  Do other parents feel like this?  Over September long weekend I was away from him for 2 nights; this is the first time I can remember being away from him just because, not because I had something else to do.  So for one whole day I sat at home by myself.  I can't say that I really enjoyed it that much and maybe that's why when I can be with him I want him around me.  I have no problems just he and doing something together and not having another adults company; he's great company.
So pre-school.  Jacob is going to school 4 afternoons a week and taking the bus one way.  He seems so little but so big all at the same time.  He's starting to be quite the little independent man; wanting to do more and more for himself, by himself.  The latest thing is he will ask me what something is and then tell me I'm wrong and what it actually is.  Example; he's watching Land Before Time right now and they showed the sun up close so it's a ball of fire.  He asks what that is and I explain it's the sun and the sun is a ball of fire; his response, "no, that's just fire, not the sun."  I've started to just ask him back what things are instead and see what he figures out.  And tease....  he loves teasing and will say to me, "I'm just teasing you" with a big grin on his face.  STOP!  I want all of this time to just stand still and savor it.  So I'm trying to be more and more thankful for the right now and not try to rush tomorrow.  In other parts of my life I'm totally trying to speed things up.  Work has changed and I'm not sure that I'm supposed to be there anymore so I've started exploring a bit but once you get accustomed to a certain pay grid and position it is a bit difficult to go down.  I feel a wee bit trapped in this little town because I don't know what I could do or where I could go.  I want time to speed up simply because my plan is to finish my degree, get my master's and open up my own counselling practise.  Specializing in working with folks with cognitive difficulties.  I really enjoy people with limited cognitive functioning and finding a counsellor for them is really difficult, so really it's an untapped market.  So hurry time.  Then of course there's the never ending saga of my love life.  I wish sometimes I could wake up 8 years down the road to children bouncing on my bed and my husband groggily asking if I'm going to make coffee.  Then of course reality sinks in and I think, "what if in 8 years I'm still not any closer to being Mrs....."  So this one I'm at a toss up, hurry up or enjoy right now.  I think I want time to hurry up in that department because I want to be at a different place in life but then I wonder if life will be that much different.  Maybe I won't be my own boss as a counsellor, maybe there won't be a bunch of kids and only a 12 year old, and how do I feel about all that.  I should be very happy and feel blessed I know but I wonder if I feel that way.  I've always had the "dream" of what life would be like "when".  Then I've started realizing life is right now.  This is it.  DO I wish it were going faster or do I slow down and enjoy it right now and what I have right now.  I am a dreamer, have always been that way but sometimes I do wish I could turn the dreams off and appreciate the moment more right now. 

Summer So Far

We've been busy this summer so far.  I know I posted previously about summer but I thought I'd say some more on the topic and share some pictures.

Taken at the Canada Day Parade in Elk Point.  We went to the pancake breakfast and then enjoyed the parade before heading to meet some friends for afternoon water fun!

Enjoying some water with my dear friend Jen and her daughter.  Jen and I have been friends since we were 10 and now we live 8 hrs apart and only see each other 1-2 times per year.  We make good use of the phone though.  She and I became moms about 20 days apart.  She was pregnant when I found out I was getting Jacob and had a beautiful baby girl, Mackenna.  She is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen in my life, I could just eat her up!

Then we went camping with some other friends.  My friend Jodie and her family.  A busy family; 4 children under the age of 4, including twin boys who are 8 months now.  Busy, busy, busy! 

Then my sister-in-law came with the kidlets.  She's the wood chopper and fire starter!

Of course we brought Gert with us and Jacob insisted on taking her swimming.

I'm not so sure she enjoyed swimming as much as he thought she would though.

Enjoying some yummy cherries.

Playing in the lake with his cousin, Madison.

Then we had a rainy day and what do you do when it's pouring outside with 4 kids??  Movies, face painting, games, snacks, whatever you can!

After it finally was done raining for the day it was time to play in the mud puddles.  More Aunty Jen's idea than mine, but your only a kid once!

Then it was someones birthday!!!!  Yep, Jacob turned 4!!  Party at the lake.

My first attempt at a cupcake cake.  Turned out pretty good!

After a week of camping with family at one lake we moved to another lake and camped with other friends.  Jacob didn't jump off the dock the entire time at the first lake and then by the last few days at the second lake he would jump off; but only towards the shore!  I am glad he knows his limits and doesn't try to jump from the other end!

Lots of fun was had and we camped for 2-1/2 weeks.  Now though when I ask him what he wants to do each day his answer is "go lake".  Can you blame him??

Summer

It's summer now and I love summer.  It's such a busy time of the year with so many things to do and places to go.  So far we went camping with my sister-in-law and kids last weekend.  For the first camping trip of the year it wasn't optimal weather, rained a lot, but we made the most of it and still enjoyed being in the outdoors and around the fire.  Next week we are going camping again, this time for a week and a half at one lake and then the following week we are going to another lake and camping with some friends, I have to work that week but Jake will get to stay and hang out and play all week. 

I tend to feel really busy in the summer; like there is so much to do and not enough time to do it!  To try and manage my time better I've made a few changes.  One being I'm off facebook again.  I spend too much time surfing, popping in and I need to make some time to do my school work so facebook is gone.  I've struggled with facebook for a number of reasons.  One being too much time spent on it.  Another is that I feel that you carry on surface relationships.  People post little glimmers of their lives and I do the same but then when you see each other face to face there really isn't that much of a relationship.  I'm also bothered by the fact that some people post nothing and yet look at others information and then it is a one way relationship.  This last reason probably bothers me the most.  I admit I have stopped posting as much or putting as many pictures on to almost "punish" those people who don't equally share.  Now I realize how all silly this seems so therefore to just avoid these internal arguments with myself I'm just off facebook. 

I've also fell way behind in my other blog.  I was still trying to at least save a post and then get back to it later but even that has become difficult to find the time to do.  I'll go back to it again I'm sure but for now the posts will be sporadic. 

I find I'm tired a lot lately so I've started taking a multi-vitamin, something I've never faithfully done and I'm also looking at changing my eating, removing bad carbohydrates and most fats.  I read the 17 day diet book last night; well skimmed it, and I think it sounds good and realistic to do so I'm going to prepare to do that I just don't know if I should do it while on holidays or wait til the fall.

So that is us right now.  Jake starts pre-school in the fall.  He's going to go to the French school because the class sizes are about 1/4-1/2 the size of the English school.  I'm not really that concerned about the language thing.  I looked at a video of him just last October and really he still wasn't talking that much.  Now you pretty much get everything he is saying and in sentences.  I've had other friends that sent their children to a french immersion program who didn't know French before and they adjusted and learned the language.  Kids are sponges and just soak everything up. 

So below is a picture of how I'd like to be spending all my summer!

Taken at the local splash park.