He Does Exist

So I believe in God.  Have always believed that God exists.  I don't know why I have always had that belief but I have.  To believe in nothing is a foreign concept to me.  Having a relationship with God though is different than just believing that there's some big guy out there.  I've had a relationship with God since I was 22 I can honestly say.  It is like any relationship with a human, sometimes there are periods when you are really close and then there are times when you are distant.  Like any relationship there are struggles.  This past year was definitely a struggle.  I was down right angry and defiant.  I was mad at God.  Mad that whenever I think things are about to turn out the rug is pulled out from under me.  I knew though that I didn't like being in this place with God.  I didn't like being mad at him.  I didn't like feeling like I had to still love him and be obedient, I wanted to love him and be obedient.  The fact that I didn't wasn't the issue, the fact that I wanted to and couldn't was my struggle.  So I did the one thing that I have always known I should do and haven't.  I started tithing.  Now by tithing I'll explain.  I've started to give more money yes, but I've also found myself praying more for other people, doing acts of kindness for others, giving in all of my other areas of my life, not just money.  Now to explain the money thing because this is what I think most people struggle with the idea of it I'll explain.  God says in the bible to test him; give him what is his (10%) and he will bless you tenfold.  Well the first week I joked with my cousin, "I'm going to buy me a husband".  I wanted God to bless me tenfold in the area of a husband.  However I did actually journal that I would take whatever blessing he felt I needed whether it be: my friend being cured of breast cancer who had recently been diagnosed, my brother and sister-in-law expecting again, my dad finding a job, or a man being put in front of me.  Whatever it would be I would gladly accept the blessing.  So I gave and waited. 
Well a week or so later my friend went back to the doctor to see what treatment options she should undergo.  How about pills.....why?  Because she is cancer free and the pills are a precaution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How's that for a blessing!
So I continued to tithe.  Each week feeling more and more blessed and excited to give because in turn I was excited to see what would happen.
So about the time I started tithing though a single man started coming to our church.  He always sat on the other side of the church with people I know but don't really know that well.  So this past Saturday night my friend encouraged me to introduce myself.  I didn't feel it was the time.  So I prayed that night and got my money ready to give.  I prayed to God that if I was to meet this man could he just make it blatantly obvious to me; could he just circumvent the circumstance so that we would meet.  So I go to church that morning and am singing away and who sits smack down right in front of me?!  I almost burst out laughing.  Okay God I get it.  I will introduce myself.  My friends husband leaned over and asked me, "been praying much?" to which I happily answered, "yep".  So at the end of service I introduced myself to the man and had a brief chat.  I'm turning it over to God to lead the relationship.  You see this past summer my pastor asked me, "Jody do you believe that God can give you a Christian husband?"  I said, "Do I believe that God is going to plunk a man down in front of me in church and say 'here you go' Nope."  Well I don't know if this is the man that I will marry but what if it is.  That would be an AMAZING testimony that GOD DOES EXIST. 
So if you read my blog and don't believe I hope that my little story makes you at least wonder if he is real and wonder how he could also bless you.  My biggest blessing to receive would be that everyone I know, knows God like I do because honestly the reason why I can be happy most of the time and see the positive is because I believe that God does exist.

Joe and Mary

I recently seem to have friends that have friends that are going through a separation and then of course the next step is divorce. Should it be? Not in my mind, the next step should be working together to figure how you get back what you had to want to be married to each other in the first place.

I don't believe that divorce should be as easy as it is.  People buy a car and make a commitment to make payments for a number of years and there are some people that are more committed to making the payments on that vehicle than they are to work on a marriage. 

A while ago I met an elderly couple through my work.  I'm going to call them Joe and Mary.  Joe and Marry have been married for a number of years.  Mary now has Alzheimer's.  Joe looks after all of Mary's needs.  She no longer has dementia, the precursor to Alzheimer's where she's forgetful and sometimes miserable.  Now she is at the stage where she has regressed to the point of being an infant now.  Total care.  She is in a wheel chair, she no longer communicates through words but instead grunts every once in awhile. 

The first time I met them  I met them in an office.   Joe drove up in an old Chev single cab truck.  From the back he got Mary's wheelchair, he carefully carried her out of the truck and into the wheelchair.  He came into the office, making sure he told her everything they were doing and ensuring he didn't get her feet knocked around on any doors or corners.  When they were in the meeting room she made some sound and Joe quickly rubbed her arm and said, "It's okay love we won't be long." 

When we were done meeting he just as carefully wheeled her out and just as carefully lifted her into the truck again.

This week I went to their home to meet again.  They live in an ancient farm house that was very drafty so they both were wearing layers of clothing and a hat.  Mary was dressed in her Sunday best it looked like.  Again he talked to her just as lovingly and when she reached out for his hand he took it and caressed the top of her hand while we talked. 

Now this couple makes me smile with a tear in my eye.  The love that Joe has for Mary when Mary is no longer Mary and really Mary can no longer reciprocate the love that Joe has for her.  To love a person this much is what I think marriage is about.  For Better or Worse.  This is definitely the worst and Joe is in the worse and through that time he still loves Mary. 

I want this type of marriage.  The type where when the worst comes we know we will still love each other and get through it. 

I have another story similar but different to this one and maybe another time I will share it.  So for anyone that reads this blog and is married, when you think your marriage is at it's worst, is it as bad and Joe and Mary's and what are you going to do about it?

I'm still little Right?

This is Jacob's first school picture.  He really is usually not that great at taking pictures, he usually hides, does the jello and disappears.  I call the jello move that move when you try and pick a kid up and they turn into jello and you can't get a grip on them they just keep sliding out of your hands.  That's Jacob when the camera comes out.  Well, when my camera comes out anyways.  So I think this picture turned out quite well!
Almost daily I hear the comment,  "Boy he's sure getting big."  Then a little voice "I'm still little?"  Yes Jacob your still little, your my little boy.  I think he's starting to get a complex about being big because he hears it so often, so much so that I want to tell people, STOP SAYING THAT!  I want him to stay little forever. 
This past weekend I saw my nephew who is definitely little, he's just 20lbs or so and 2-1/2yrs old.  He was wearing the coat that Jacob had when I got him.  It made me think, awe you were once that little.  Your still little, little enough for me to rock you when I sing to you before bed.  Little enough for me to hold you while we are singing at church, and little enough to give me hugs and kisses whenever we say goodbye.  I hope you always stay little.

Halloween fun and a few crafts

Jacob and I did finally carve a pumpkin the day before Halloween.  Now I'm thinking that this really isn't that bad of an idea because then it isn't all wilted and looking deformed for Halloween.  As you can see he did help to pull out "the guts" as he called them.  What you don't see is that he did it with a little tiny shovel so he didn't actually touch any of the gross guts!

Our finished project.  Now you may wonder why the pumpkin is sitting on the toilet.  Well you see there is a candle in the pumpkin and the bathroom was the dsarkest room however with a camera flash you can't tell that so it just looks like we take all of our pictures in the bathroom instead!

Halloween right before trick or treating!  So I struggled with the idea of trick or treating last year and what to do about it.  I ended up deciding we would only go to our neighbors, whom we know, and then friends.  We end up going to 8 houses in town and then to my uncle's in the country and my brother's.  He still received plenty of candy and got the jist of trick or treating.

He's started to make some crafts in school; here is his noodle man!

And the painted turkey!

Holiday

I am going on a holiday!  I haven't really been on that many holidays.  About 7 or so years ago I went to Vegas; then 2 years ago I went to Mexico, and that's about the extent of my holidays.  My boss told me about a holiday her daughter went on.  She went to a spa resort by herself for a weekend and had a really great time.  I looked into it and I decided it was something I wanted to do.  So in early January I'm going to the Kingfisher Spa and Resort in Comox, BC.  I'm looking so forward to it!  I chose there because it's only 3 nights, 4 days.  Affordable in some ways in that I wanted to spend under $1000 and I probably will spend just over that.  I wanted to do something that I could just relax.  If I want to sleep until noon I can.  I thought the time was enough because then I'm not gone for too long from Jacob.  He will stay with my parents.  I've been away for this amount of time before and he did okay.  I picked the time of year because it's somewhat of a birthday present to myself and it is also considered off season so quite a bit cheaper than other times of the year.  For the first time in my life I feel stressed and so I think this will be a good stress reliever.
Stress is a funny thing.  I'm just tired all the time.  I could go to sleep at 8pm, wake up in the morning and still be tired.  This has been my life the last few weeks.  I can't pinpoint any one thing its just a collaboration of things.  I'm trying to weed out some of the stress, slowly, or do things that alleviate my stress.  Tonight Jacob and I had a laughing war.  That is definitely a remedy I recommend.  Here's a picture of him during the war.  I don't know who won but I know Gertie sure got all worked up and into the fun as well.

A few pictures......

 This was Jacob's first day of pre-school.  We're working on smiling for the camera!  This is a work in progress.

Annual picture at our favorite fishing; even though we caught 0 fish there this year!  The spot is still beautiful.

Goofing around!

reverse disability/reverse discrimination

I've been in the human services field for awhile now.  Long enough to know that there is a concept of reverse disability/reverse discrimination.  I probably need to explain what I mean when I use these two terms because I don't think that they are known to most people.  Basically it means that because someone has a disability their treatment is overcompensated to the point that they are treated better than someone who doesn't have a disability.  So to explain further.  Have you ever been hit up to donate so that someone with a disability can go on a trip?  I have; I've never donated.  No one has ever given me a donation so that I could travel.  Or, what about a person with a disability given allowances for rude behaviour?  I've seen that too.  Having a disability does not excuse bad manners; Temple Grandin actually said that!  I heard her with my own ears at a conference one time.  She was the best speaker I had ever listened to.  She basically said that the reason why she is successful in her life is because her mom had the same expectations for her as she did for her other children.  That Temple would have manners, go to school, get a job, and be a contributing member to society.  I completely agree.  If you make excuses for a person with a disability not to have the same expectations you have for yourself you really are discriminating against them and saying, "well your special so we don't expect as much from you."  Really?!  Maybe people don't intend that but when you break it down that is exactly what it is saying.  Now don't get me wrong I know that not everyone is able to have a full time job and live on their own and etc, but they can have the same responsibilities I have to the best of their ability.  One area that I see quite often the ideology of reverse disability is when support people attempt to do "everything".  Do you not believe that they are capable of doing anything?  Just yesterday I met someone who had a less than great relationship with their parents.  The supports wanted me to come in and take this person's legal rights away so that the relationship with the parents would change.  This person knew that they didn't like how the relationship was and they knew what they could do about it but in their own words they said they didn't want to "go down that road".  So then I told them that my rule in life is that you can complain about something for only so long but then you either have to do something about it or stop complaining.  I'm sure the people around the table thought "how could you say that to this poor disabled person".  Well they are a person first and they have responsibilities too and in this case the responsibility is to stand up for yourself or choose to continue to be treated like crap.  Your choice, and me taking away your rights will not fix that.  The people around this person I think are being discriminating to them because they don't think that the person has any responsibility in the situation and so therefore are treating them differently.  This I think is so wrong.  So that's my beef for the week.  Next time I promise to blog about Jacob and about our little family, the original intention of this blog.  But I hope today's reading makes you think, do I treat people differently if they have a disability?