Ramblings

I think that I really should blog more often because then there wouldn't be one entry with a wide variety of topics that I'm trying to cover.  Oh well, one day when we have 36 hours in a day maybe I will have time. 
Well this Friday all of the papers were signed for Jacob to become legally mine.  I had to have two references that swore an oath in front of a commissioner.  I chose the two people to do this that were called first and should I ever have a baby naturally would also be called first.  My mom, and my very good friend Tammy, Jacob's only non-family aunt.  Afterwards we all went out for lunch, my treat. 
While we were doing paperwork I asked about adopting again.  I want a houseful of children so I want to know when I can start the process again.  I was quite let down and shocked when I was told that I could not start the process until a year after Jacob is legally mine.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  With thousands of children in care you want me to wait a full year, just to start the process.  So realistically I'm thinking Jacob will be legally mine in October.  Then I have to wait one full year, so October 2011.  Then I have to get my documents, which I will be speedy at, but then I have to wait for a social worker to see me and meet with me to discuss my potential child.  Then I have to have another home study done, a person comes to do 3 interviews, then they have to call my references, then they prepare their document, bring it back to me, I sign it off.  Then that document goes back to the social worker who sends it to their supervisor who reads it, who signs it off, who then sends it back to the social worker and then I am finally placed in the matching world. Then I sit and wait until they find a suitable child, which we all know how long that can or cannot take.   AGAIN, ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
This entire policy does not make any sense to me, and although I know this won't be the process for me because I know the loopholes in the policy I feel for adoptive parents that don't know the loopholes and therefore sit and wait and follow the policy. 
So what loophole you wonder.  Well I know that there is a process called foster to adopt in Alberta.  So basically I become a foster home but only have children that will most likely 90% chance will be available for adoption and then I would be first choice to adopt them.  This I can do at anytime.  I actually was a licensed foster home this whole past year but let the license lapse in June because I wasn't interested anymore since I got Jacob.  So that's my loophole.  In November I think I will call the social worker for fostering and start that process to get re-licensed again and go from there. 
Okay so that's that story.

I'm reading "The Shack" if you haven't ever read it I suggest you get a hold of a copy.  It's a fiction and a really good read.  That's all I will say on that.

So since I've started to read the bible more I find that I'm wanting to read it more and more. I find my relationship with God developing like a new/re-kindled friendship.  How I would describe it is: you meet a person that you walk away thinking, I like that person, we could be friends.  Then you meet again and this time chat more and then it evolves into getting together for coffee, then a few phone calls and pretty soon they are your best friend and you share everything with them.  That how it has been like lately with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit.  It's a place I was ten years ago and then lost it.  Ten years ago though I was a new Christian and I was one of those "on fire" people.  Now its different because the relationship isn't brand new, its re-kindled.  Like a comfortable old jeans that you wore a long time ago and the minute you put them on it brings back comfort.  Or whatever metaphor you want to use here.  So that's that story.

Okay, last one for today, or maybe not.  So for 4 years I was in an odd relationship.  Last year in December it finally ended.  Well I knew at the time it was over.  However the heart takes a while to heal and move on.  So to label the previous man I'm going to call him "heroin", not really but as I look back on the relationship he was like a drug to me.  I would be so anxious to see him that there would be this big build up and then as soon as I saw him there would be a bit of a high and then anxiety because it was over and I wanted the rush of the excitement to see him again.  Ya get me?!  Okay, so it ended.  Well this past week I had a dream about heroin.  I dreamt that he called and asked me for a visit.  I went.  Hello, it's heroin, another high right.  Well in the dream I went over, and his girlfriend showed up.  I was miss calm, cool collected and played it off that I had just stopped by to say hello since I hadn't seen him in a long time.  Then a few hours later he called and apologized and told me how it wasn't going well with her and wondered if we could re-connect.  Okay, so remember, this is heroin, heroin that in the 4 previous years no matter what I did I ended up back using, not able to leave him alone and let go, mind you he was just as guilty for that too.  Whenever I thought he was gone he would pop back in.  Okay, so what did I do in my dream??  I SAID NO!  Can you believe it?  I almost couldn't.  I told him that we had done this dance for too long and it was quite clear that we both wanted different things so thanks for the offer but I was happier now.  We hugged and it was done.  Now reality is that he is in a relationship and I'm assuming quite happy.  He chose her, not me, and it's working out for them.  I can say honestly that I do wish him and his family the best.  I have no hard feelings.  What I'm happy about though is that this dream to me let me know I'm okay.  I know that there is no decision to be made but if there was, I'd say no.  So ironically I saw him today.  We said hello and walked our separate ways.  Both happy with our decisions.  Door closed and it feels good.

Okay now last rambling.  It is canning season and although I think I cleared out enough shelves I haven't even done pickles yet so I'm thinking I need more shelves!