Monday, May 28, 2012

This isn't what I had in mind....

I drove 9 hours to a place I've never been before all by myself to adopt a baby knowing in my heart that I wasn't going to.  Some who read this might think, "what? why did she bother?  Why did she seem so sure that she was going to get him."  I never was, I'm just a good actress sometimes.  You see if I told you to your face that I was going to lose would you have been supportive of me doing it?  Nope.  You would have thought I'm crazy.  But I have to tell those who are reading this that I had to do it.  I was following what I was supposed to do.  I was brought into this crazy situation for a reason and it wasn't to adopt a baby but to be an advocate for a couple of people that have no one to listen to them.  My challenge is to bring together some people and all have them agree what is best for this baby.  And that is remaining exactly where he is, still having the ability to see his biological parents once a week and having access to see his extended family when they chose.  Not with me and far away from all but one family member.  Am I giving up?  No, I was never really trying, just doing what people perceived I was doing.  I was fighting for a baby; what people didn't realize was the different options I was fighting for.  Being with me was only one of the options.  I know I'm rambling and probably not making a lot of sense but the long and the short of it is that I know God didn't want me to have this baby.  He just wanted to make sure I helped ease the situation a bit.  And that is just fine by me.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

"mom, how can our house fit in that house....."

For about a month now I have been on the hunt for a house.  I've looked at 5 or 6 and didn't like the layout at all in anything in my price range.  So I dropped my price range and went with something cute and cozy and everyone that sees it says that they can see me in it.  Good sign I would say!
So there is a house that I've always liked.  I liked it years ago before it was renovated and upgraded, now it is even more cute.  So a couple weeks ago I asked my realtor about it.  He said that there was a deal pending on it, so...... I told him that I was very interested and if by chance the deal fell through I would be interested.  He said okay but he didn't think it would.  Then I prayed.  I told God that the house was in his hands and if He wanted me to have the house to just let it happen.  Well 6 days later I got a text. "house deal fell through, when do you want to see it?"  God can move mountains!  So today a verbal offer has been agreed to and the written offer is just needing to be signed.  So it looks like we will be moving!  When I told Jake about it his comment was the title.  How are we going to move our house into the new house?  How innocent.
So the new house has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a partial basement with laundry in it, a wood stove, a fully fenced yard and a deck going around 2 sides of the house, and....a walk in closet in the master bedroom!!!
Here it is; cute and cozy and soon to be the new home of Jld and Jake, oh and Gert too!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I can count


I've started to incorporate more and more learning at home.  Discussing how caterpillars, "chenille" turn into butterflies, "pappillon".  What is in space, how plants grow, and numbers are just a few things.  Today I started to count in English and then decided to switch over to french.  Jacob counted to cinq no problem!  I tested him again and yep, he knows how to count to 5 in French though, not English.  Do I care?  Not really, he knows how to count to Cinq!!!!  The little man amazes me each and everyday. 
His questions sometimes get trying, but I'd rather him asking questions that not talking or interacting with me.  So I will continue to answer where the moon goes during the day, why we breathe air, why our tongues are hot, what each and every bug eats and everything else his little mind is curious about these days.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What's new????

So I haven't blogged about what is currently going on in my life right now because I wasn't sure where it would lead to.  On February 19th I found out that there was a baby boy that might need a loving forever home.  On February 20th I went and talked to the family member that I knew about this baby.  It turns out that the baby was born last June and is indeed in need of a forever home that is willing to do an open adoption.  So I was in for a decision.  Am I ready to start again; to be a mom to another little one needing a forever family to love him.    
Do I need to even answer???  I've literally been in a battle ever since I found out about the babe.  Not with the family, they are in support of me adopting.  I have been battling a social worker that is lazy and not willing to do her job thoroughly.  Unfortunately for her she has me to deal with and I don't give up and know my rights, the bio families rights, and that little boys rights.  So now I don't want to get into all the details but I did bring attention to the fact that she wasn't doing her job and now she is going to.  She has to research me as a potential option and on April 26th the whole matter will be heard in court and I will find out if I will get to be a mom to another little boy.
So am I scared?  OF COURSE!!!  I'm scared of being a mom to a baby!!!  I've never thought I would actually get to adopt a baby so I've never even asked for one just so that I wouldn't face the disappointment.  Am I scared that I won't be able to handle two boys on my own?  Of course, am I scared about a whole bunch of other things, yep.  However.  I know that God brought me to this place for a reason.  Last year when my relationship ended I remember saying, I just want a mulligan, a do over of this year.  I felt cheated because I had been planning on adopting again, I had been planning on buying a house and then I put all my hope in the relationship and put everything on hold, only for none of it to come true.  Well I kind of think God gave me a mulligan without me even trying.  Here is a baby that came out of nowhere, I'm going to see the realtor on Friday and see what is on the market.  So maybe I am getting that prayer of wanting a mulligan.  If it is; wow!! Thanks GOD!!!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Discipline sucks

I've discovered one huge benefit to being a single parent.  You only worry about you being consistent and not two; because seldom are two people on the same page absolutely all of the time.
I've also come to realize what sucks about being a single parent.  I'm always going to be the bad guy.
Today was a blow.  Lately Jacob has been a little bit difficult in stores.   I know most, aka all, kids go through the difficult times in the store.  Today was a rough one though because he got it; I think.  The big sappy puppy dog eyes makes me thinks so, with the quivering lip and tears rolling down his cheeks for added effect.
We were in the store, he looked at the toys as per usual.  Then it was time to leave which went okay until we got to the till.  All of a sudden tears and crying and a bit of an episode.  He has never been that kid that kicks and screams while rolling on the floor; THANK GOODNESS!!!  No, he's just a cryer.  So I bend over and calmly try negotiating.  Wrong I know; but we went through this same thing last week at McDonald's when I refused to buy a toy and so I wanted to try a different approach.  Almost set him up to fail because I needed him to know  I meant business.  He didn't stop crying.  My negotiation tactic was to buy him a kinder surprise at the next store I had to go to.  He didn't stop.  So I paid, walked out, he followed.  Continued to cry for a block and then I stopped at the store, ran in and got what I needed and came out.  He crying asked if I got him a kinder surprise.  I told him no, you didn't stop crying and start listening to me so you didn't get an "egg".

Reaction: Stopped crying and the look of shock, disappointment, surprise, all at once.  The look I knew I'd achieved what I'd wanted.  He was very quiet until we got home.  He asked again and again I explained why no egg.  He came in the house and instantly hid under a blanket.  Out of shame?  Out of anger?  I'm thinking more the shame.  I left him be and then in about 5-7 minutes he came out and said "sorry" in the quietest of voices.  Did I achieve what I wanted?  Yes.  Did I feel like the biggest meanie in the world? Yes.  Sometimes parenting really does suck and is wonderful all at the same time.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

It's time

Well 2 years have passed now since Jacob was introduced to me.  Two years of so many smiles, giggles, tears, happy moments and absolute love.  It's time to think about doing this again...........

Sunday, January 29, 2012

"I dream God"

So I am making an effort to raise Jacob to know God.  Someone I knew existed when I was growing up but to say I "knew" Him, I didn't.  We pray before (almost) every meal, read "God's story" every night and talk about God daily.  It really is a lot easier than I thought to teach him about God and to trust God.  For example, he will ask, "why do we have two hands?" yep that was the question this morning.  To which I can easily say, "I don't know, because God thought we needed two hands to go with our two arms."  Anytime I don't have an answer it is goes back to, "because God did...."  Or if he is scared of something, spaceships lately, I can tell him that God will protect him.  Or about monsters not existing because God didn't make them, he made animals, trees, people, etc, but not monsters.  Now I wasn't sure how much of all this was sinking in until today.  The nursery school teacher told me that in response to talking about praying Jacob told her, "God talks in my sleep."  So then when we got home I asked him about God, and yep, God talks to him in his dreams and tells him to not be scared.  So already he is getting the concept that God will protect him when he asks for help.  Now will God be around to protect him from everything, nope.  That he will learn later on, that when bad things happen, God still is there to lean on in the bad; to vent to and to love us during that bad.