Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The struggle, the challenge, the unknown

So I'm dating.  Yep he's a wonderful man.  I can remember over the past year slowly I started praying for a mate.  Someone who would be nicer to me before I could be nice to them.  Sounds silly but seriously in the past it always felt like I was doing the work, so I wanted someone to swoop me off my feet, literally even.  A little dream of mine to be physically picked up by a man.  Maybe it's because I'm a bigger girl, but just the thought of a man grabbing me and picking me up gives me butterflies. 
Okay, anyways, so I'm dating.  Did I mention that I'm dating??!  Just kidding.  So if you've followed this blog and my other blog at all you know that I'm a Christian.  Being a Christian by bible aka God standards is that I accept that Jesus came to earth, died for my sins and that I acknowledge that I'm a sinner and he paid the price for me to be able to go to heaven, so I love Jesus essentially.  With that comes certain rules laid out by God and ways to live life.  One is that Christians should not date non-Christians.  Sugar coat it as much as you want, it says it in the bible not to do it.  Then of course it also says Christians are not to be unequally yoked in marriage, aka Christians and non-Christians are not suppose to marry.  So what happens if this does occur?  Well there are going to definitely be differences of opinions because I will believe what God has said in His book and want to live like it says.  I will love God and Jesus more than my husband and children.  I know!  But I will and do.  God loved me enough to sacrifice his only son. 
So now the struggle.  I have Christian friends who tell me that I should missionary date.  This means date as if he were your brother.  Yeah, no.  That is just odd to me and seems incestuous.  That means touch and explore only as much as I would with my brother, again this leads to the ickyness.  Can you imagine dating like this and then on your wedding night you have sex with the man you've been treating like your brother??!!  This totally doesn't fit for me.  So then there's the non-Christian dating.  Date, kissing, sex, move in, get married when you both feel its finally time.   Well this also doesn't fit for me.  I won't live with any guy before I'm married.  This is for a number of reasons, primarily being Jacob but another is that I did live with a guy before marriage once before and when it ended I was homeless.  I have a little one to think of and we can't move in with my parents if this doesn't work out, although I know it's going to. 
So what do I do?  Well I'm going to be a sinner I know.  I know I'm not going to date like a Christian.  I struggle with the advice and what others have said.  I struggle with it because I have yet to come across someone who is giving the Christian dating advice that lived it, or has lived like me.  So people that have so far given me advice or I've heard speak have been in the two categories: 1) grown up Christian and never crossed the boundaries before they married.  2) became a Christian after they were married and then their spouse also became a Christian.  So these two people have never been a non-Christian single and then a single Christian.  I'm waiting to meet a person like me and that person can tell me how to date and I will wholeheartedly listen.  Right now I'm hearing a lot of "wa wa wa".  The only person's advice that I've heard, value and appreciate was my pastor's wife.  She said to me, "if you choose to marry him and he's not a Christian, that's between you and God, however we're going to pray for him and that God just continues to open his heart."  Thank You!!!  This is the best advice and the true advice. 
So I'm dating.  Oh, and this man also has actually picked me up and carried me.  He did it on our 3rd date.  Help me I'm falling!!!   NO don't help me, I want to fall madly in love with this man and never look back. :)

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