Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The struggle, the challenge, the unknown

So I'm dating.  Yep he's a wonderful man.  I can remember over the past year slowly I started praying for a mate.  Someone who would be nicer to me before I could be nice to them.  Sounds silly but seriously in the past it always felt like I was doing the work, so I wanted someone to swoop me off my feet, literally even.  A little dream of mine to be physically picked up by a man.  Maybe it's because I'm a bigger girl, but just the thought of a man grabbing me and picking me up gives me butterflies. 
Okay, anyways, so I'm dating.  Did I mention that I'm dating??!  Just kidding.  So if you've followed this blog and my other blog at all you know that I'm a Christian.  Being a Christian by bible aka God standards is that I accept that Jesus came to earth, died for my sins and that I acknowledge that I'm a sinner and he paid the price for me to be able to go to heaven, so I love Jesus essentially.  With that comes certain rules laid out by God and ways to live life.  One is that Christians should not date non-Christians.  Sugar coat it as much as you want, it says it in the bible not to do it.  Then of course it also says Christians are not to be unequally yoked in marriage, aka Christians and non-Christians are not suppose to marry.  So what happens if this does occur?  Well there are going to definitely be differences of opinions because I will believe what God has said in His book and want to live like it says.  I will love God and Jesus more than my husband and children.  I know!  But I will and do.  God loved me enough to sacrifice his only son. 
So now the struggle.  I have Christian friends who tell me that I should missionary date.  This means date as if he were your brother.  Yeah, no.  That is just odd to me and seems incestuous.  That means touch and explore only as much as I would with my brother, again this leads to the ickyness.  Can you imagine dating like this and then on your wedding night you have sex with the man you've been treating like your brother??!!  This totally doesn't fit for me.  So then there's the non-Christian dating.  Date, kissing, sex, move in, get married when you both feel its finally time.   Well this also doesn't fit for me.  I won't live with any guy before I'm married.  This is for a number of reasons, primarily being Jacob but another is that I did live with a guy before marriage once before and when it ended I was homeless.  I have a little one to think of and we can't move in with my parents if this doesn't work out, although I know it's going to. 
So what do I do?  Well I'm going to be a sinner I know.  I know I'm not going to date like a Christian.  I struggle with the advice and what others have said.  I struggle with it because I have yet to come across someone who is giving the Christian dating advice that lived it, or has lived like me.  So people that have so far given me advice or I've heard speak have been in the two categories: 1) grown up Christian and never crossed the boundaries before they married.  2) became a Christian after they were married and then their spouse also became a Christian.  So these two people have never been a non-Christian single and then a single Christian.  I'm waiting to meet a person like me and that person can tell me how to date and I will wholeheartedly listen.  Right now I'm hearing a lot of "wa wa wa".  The only person's advice that I've heard, value and appreciate was my pastor's wife.  She said to me, "if you choose to marry him and he's not a Christian, that's between you and God, however we're going to pray for him and that God just continues to open his heart."  Thank You!!!  This is the best advice and the true advice. 
So I'm dating.  Oh, and this man also has actually picked me up and carried me.  He did it on our 3rd date.  Help me I'm falling!!!   NO don't help me, I want to fall madly in love with this man and never look back. :)

Friday, April 1, 2011

It's just different this time

Okay, I'm going to try and not make this a long post but I'm a woman and tend to go into all the details so I apologize in advance if I go on and on.

About 2-3 months ago a friend of mine told me how his sister and her boyfriend had broken up.  I jokingly asked if he was going to set me up with the boyfriend.  He then in all seriousness said, "yeah I told him you were the perfect girl for him and he's been asking for you phone number ever since." 
So back up 4 years.  I met this man at my friends home 4 or so years ago when he was dating my friends sister.  After I met him I told my friend that the guy was the nicest guy I'd ever met in my life and that if the couple ever ended to "hook me up".  Now I was absolutely joking about the last part.  I wouldn't ever wish hurt via a break up on anyone.  Over the years I've seen the man and his girlfriend together and alone.  I think I've known for a few years that this was a relationship that was doomed though.  She wanted big city life and he loves the farm.  So it was only a matter of time.  Now at the end of it I never thought I would work into the equation at all. 
Well now to present time.  They did break up.  She chose big city and career over love.  My friend, the brother, had told the guy about me and the guy then began pursuing my phone number.  My friend though held him off for about a month in giving him my number.  The friend felt like he was going to be put in an awkward situation because he was supplying the phone number to his sister's ex boyfriend for a new potential girlfriend.  I get it but at the end of the day who cares, she dumped him for her career. 
So guy keeps asking for my number for 3 straight weeks before my friend finally caves and gives it to him.  All along i know about the guy asking for my number.  My biggest concern being that does guy know who's number he is wanting.  Friend tells me he's sure guy knows.  Then one night guy tells friend, I know who she is just give me her number, friend says no you don't, guy: she works for government and her name is Jody, give me her number.  Okay, good sign.  He knows who's number he is pursuing and still wants it.  Finally friend is on the phone with me one day and guy calls him again for the number and friend tells me that's it I'm hanging up from you and giving him your number right now. 2 minutes later guy called!
So we talked for almost an hour and then made arrangements to go out the following Friday.  He wanted to go out that night!  I have no idea why but a few times after friend and I had talked about this I got the feeling that if this worked out it would be good.  One reason is that he's the nicest guy I've ever met, as said before, and that both he and I want the same thing.  Marriage.  At the end of the day we are both at the place where we want to find that person we can wake up to everyday.
So we had our first date, which lead right into the second date, which lead into plans for the following weekend, and also we had the "talk".  He brought it up.  He wants relationship, as do I, we both want to go slow but at the end of the day I think we won't be able to take it slow.  I think that we both 'want' to take it slow because he's protecting his heart and I'm protecting Jacob.  However I'm not sure that our hearts will allow us to take it slow.  Its one of those situations where you just love spending time with the person because you want to know everything about them and you can't get enough of them. 
So I titled this post, it's different this time.  Well it is.  He pursued me.  I've never had a man pursue me.  NEVER!  We got the relationship talk out of the way and agree we both want the same thing.  Again, never happened before.  Last time I was actually in a relationship the man didn't know if he wanted me as a girlfriend, nanny, friend, housekeeper.  Each week he changed his mind.  Then any other guys have not wanted relationships at all.  I am myself around him.  I don't seem to have a sensor or filter of things I shouldn't say or in the past wouldn't have said.  It all comes out.  It's different.  It's just different this time.
Oh and one more difference; it's not a deal breaker but it definately is a big deal, both my brothers really like him.  Now this is a big thing.  My one brother will pretty much accept anyone, he may not like them but he'll accept and put up with them.  My other borther though will not be so nice, he typically is very judgemental and if he doesn't like someone he isn't going to try and pretend he does.  Well both my brothers really like him and think he's a nice guy.  So huge!  It's just different this time.