Sunday, August 15, 2010

I'm not a special person

Since adopting Jacob, or even before he came, I would often hear "wow your a special person for doing what your doing."  I really don't like hearing this.  The word "special" doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, it never has.  I know what people are saying, and I know that they are meaning it as a compliment but I don't feel any more "special" than any other parent.  I wanted to be a mom.  I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  It's all I've been meant to do in life.  I've also known that I'm supposed to be a mom to other people's kids.  I don't know if I'll ever have my own and it doesn't bother me if I don't.  I knew I was getting older and I knew that my desire/need to have children was still there.  It became clear that I had a choice.  To begrudge and be jealous of all my friends who were having children the natural way or do something about it.  I did something about it.  I started my family, just as any other family would decide that.  The only difference is that my family is me and my extended family.  Yes I looked for support and agreement with my decision with my parents, brothers, but in the end it was my decision.  I decided to be a mom.  I'm not special, I'm just someone who wanted to be a mom.  My son isn't lucky to have me as his mom, I'm blessed to have him.  I'm greatful to his biological mom.  I'm the lucky one who was given a child that is so full of happiness and optimism, so much like me. 
We all have choices in life and whether you make the choice or not doesn't make you special, it just gives you a decision and an outcome to live with. 
A friend left a book in my mailbox at church.  It's about a small town church in Texas that influenced their congregation and 72 children were adopted within that congregation.  AMAZING!@@!!!!  I'm almost done the book but reading it just verifies I'm where I'm supposed to be in life.  I'm meant to be a mom.  I can relate to these stories and can't wait for the next phone call saying "Do you think you could take.......(child/children)"  ABSOLUTELY.

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