The time is quickly approaching that Jacob will legally be mine. I know people are thinking "what I thought he was already yours?". In my heart he is and he isn't going anywhere but legally, no he still is a ward of the province. There is technically a 6 month trial period from the time you bring the child home and then after the 6 months is up the legal process begins and then you legally adopt the child. So August is actually the end of our 6 months but the social worker surprised me on the last visit and said if I was okay with it she was going to start the process the end of June-beginning of July instead of waiting. I was absolutely okay with this.
So this brings me to the start of the topic heading. After he is legally mine I can then start the process to adopt again. I would have to go through all of the same paperwork I did before and interviews and such then I would be put on the list to wait for a child again.
So...... I'm doing it. I'm going back on the list as soon as I'm able to. Okay so this is my question though. I don't have a number. Most mothers/women tend to have an idea even a vague one of how many children they want to have. I don't. I don't know if I want to stop at 1,2 ,4, 7, 19??? I have no clue. Is there a magic number? Now some may think; what? another one so soon. Yes, it did take 2 years to find Jacob so yes another one so soon, because really I have no idea how long the soon might be. All I know is that I am already, ready to have another child welcomed into our little family.
Like I did with Jacob I have an idea of what kind of child I am hoping for but I'm leaving it up to God like I did for Jacob and He blessed me with exactly what I hoped and prayed for. So I'm doing the same this time.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
No Drip Popsicles!
I came across a recipe for no-drip popscicles. Now with kids this would be a grand idea wouldn't it? So I made them and as you can see Jacob is wearing it all over his face and shirt but it's not because they dripped; just because he missed his mouth a few times!
Here's the recipe I used enjoy!
2 cups boiling water
1 pkg Jello (I used strawberry)
18 strawberries chopped finely
2/3 cup kool-aid powder mix (I used peach because that was what I had)
Add boiling water to jelly powder; stir 2 minutes until completely dissolved. Mash berries with drink mix in bowl, stir in jelly. Pour into your molds or paper cups and freeze!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Growth
Boy have I noticed changes in Jacob in the last week or so. Tonight as I put him to bed he held out his hands and said "bunny". A week ago he wouldn't have asked or he would have just held out his hands and I would have had to guess what he wanted. He's starting to talk so much and put words together.
He's such a wonder and amazement to me each and every day!
He's saying "high in the sky" in this picture; it's part of our game, "high in the sky, down on the ground."
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Scorned
I have never been the woman that hates all men. I am also not someone who uses the word "hate" very freely. I don't like it. Today though I'm a scorned woman and although I wouldn't say I hate men, I truly dislike the XY type. Unless they are already in a committed relationship or married, those XY's are okay. The rest, suck!
I have had less than an optimal dating life, obviously if I'm still single?! I have no idea what I do wrong/right when it comes to relationships. I try dating different men, you know not all the same type, that doesn't work. I try to go at their pace, at mine, that doesn't work. I try to be passive, or aggressive, that hasn't worked. I've tried being me, not me, that hasn't worked. I know all the women say, it's not you, it's them. Um yeah I believe half of that, then the other half thinks of the common factor and I am the common factor in all the relationships that have failed. So part of it has to be me, what frustrates me about it is that I would like someone to honestly tell me what exactly it is!
I know timing, blah blah blah. Forever is worth the wait, yeah I came up with that saying, don't need to tell me it. I know it. Today though I'm scorned and don't want to hear all the garbage.
I have noticed one thing about all my friends that are now happily married. They too were scorned at one point before they met their husbands. Why is it that it seems that we have to be scorned before we can find the "one"? Am I thinking that this is now going to happen to me? I'd like to say no, but secretly I am. However I'm scorned and don't want any unwed unattached XY's near me except of course my wonderful son. Who when he awoke this morning came running into my arms and said "morning" with the biggest grin and planted a big ole kiss on his mamma! Oh and I am a smart enough mom that Jacob had not been really involved in any of the latest dating flops. He's been at a sitter's or grandma and grandpa's, I would never parade a bunch of men into his life.
Okay so the scorned. I know people have said throw away the list. Well that was gone 10 years ago when I dated a guy who was everything on the list plus the extras and he turned out to be the biggest jerk I've ever dated. He had all the physical attributes, the good job, was family oriented, was Christian, blah blah blah. And we all know how that turned out!
So I threw away the list, next guy had nothing on the list but one quality, I felt respected when I was with him. Yep, no winner there either. And on it goes. I'm not even getting into the last year or so. I'm starting to feel like a sex in the city marathon. If Mr. Big is who I think it is in my life I'm doomed.
I have had less than an optimal dating life, obviously if I'm still single?! I have no idea what I do wrong/right when it comes to relationships. I try dating different men, you know not all the same type, that doesn't work. I try to go at their pace, at mine, that doesn't work. I try to be passive, or aggressive, that hasn't worked. I've tried being me, not me, that hasn't worked. I know all the women say, it's not you, it's them. Um yeah I believe half of that, then the other half thinks of the common factor and I am the common factor in all the relationships that have failed. So part of it has to be me, what frustrates me about it is that I would like someone to honestly tell me what exactly it is!
I know timing, blah blah blah. Forever is worth the wait, yeah I came up with that saying, don't need to tell me it. I know it. Today though I'm scorned and don't want to hear all the garbage.
I have noticed one thing about all my friends that are now happily married. They too were scorned at one point before they met their husbands. Why is it that it seems that we have to be scorned before we can find the "one"? Am I thinking that this is now going to happen to me? I'd like to say no, but secretly I am. However I'm scorned and don't want any unwed unattached XY's near me except of course my wonderful son. Who when he awoke this morning came running into my arms and said "morning" with the biggest grin and planted a big ole kiss on his mamma! Oh and I am a smart enough mom that Jacob had not been really involved in any of the latest dating flops. He's been at a sitter's or grandma and grandpa's, I would never parade a bunch of men into his life.
Okay so the scorned. I know people have said throw away the list. Well that was gone 10 years ago when I dated a guy who was everything on the list plus the extras and he turned out to be the biggest jerk I've ever dated. He had all the physical attributes, the good job, was family oriented, was Christian, blah blah blah. And we all know how that turned out!
So I threw away the list, next guy had nothing on the list but one quality, I felt respected when I was with him. Yep, no winner there either. And on it goes. I'm not even getting into the last year or so. I'm starting to feel like a sex in the city marathon. If Mr. Big is who I think it is in my life I'm doomed.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Pavlov
While going to university and taking psychology courses I learned that I was a Pavlovian fan. I believe in rewarding the behaviour that you want and ignore what you don't want. I've seen how quickly it can work to change a behaviour.
Over the past few days, well week or so, I've noticed that Jacob has become much more clingy and whiny. Traits that sometimes are really not that appealing. I've mentioned it to a few people to no miraculous answers to change this behaviour.
Well as I was cutting up fruit this morning he started whining again because I wouldn't let him have the knife I was using, rough mom I know! So he plopped himself down and began to do the whine. He then moved on from being upset about that to wanting some of berries I was cutting and wouldn't ask for them instead would just hold up his hands and whine. He can say "berry" so I wouldn't give him any until he said it. I ignored the whine and just continued to say "berry?". Well after 3 times he perked up and said "berry, peas?" So I'm going back to my roots in Pavlov. So this morning after my "lightbulb" moment I've been using the Pavlov theory; yes there are still moments when he is upset, but I give no reaction and the "whine" time appears to be getting shorter and shorter.
I'm going to see how this also works for when the little 1 year old is over and he says "mine" all the time when she isn't even near him and not interested in his train that he has a death grip on! I kind of twigged on to re-using Pavlov with this as well earlier this week but I haven't been dedicated and consistent enough. You see to begin with when he would say "mine!" I would give a reaction, usually "she's not even near you, or uh-uh" something. Well now I notice he'll say "mine!" then look or be looking at me for a reaction. Yep the little fart has outsmarted me already.
So Pavlov it is, Don't let me down!
Over the past few days, well week or so, I've noticed that Jacob has become much more clingy and whiny. Traits that sometimes are really not that appealing. I've mentioned it to a few people to no miraculous answers to change this behaviour.
Well as I was cutting up fruit this morning he started whining again because I wouldn't let him have the knife I was using, rough mom I know! So he plopped himself down and began to do the whine. He then moved on from being upset about that to wanting some of berries I was cutting and wouldn't ask for them instead would just hold up his hands and whine. He can say "berry" so I wouldn't give him any until he said it. I ignored the whine and just continued to say "berry?". Well after 3 times he perked up and said "berry, peas?" So I'm going back to my roots in Pavlov. So this morning after my "lightbulb" moment I've been using the Pavlov theory; yes there are still moments when he is upset, but I give no reaction and the "whine" time appears to be getting shorter and shorter.
I'm going to see how this also works for when the little 1 year old is over and he says "mine" all the time when she isn't even near him and not interested in his train that he has a death grip on! I kind of twigged on to re-using Pavlov with this as well earlier this week but I haven't been dedicated and consistent enough. You see to begin with when he would say "mine!" I would give a reaction, usually "she's not even near you, or uh-uh" something. Well now I notice he'll say "mine!" then look or be looking at me for a reaction. Yep the little fart has outsmarted me already.
So Pavlov it is, Don't let me down!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Cuffy's coming home
When I was 12 I got my first real horse. By real I mean my own. Previously to that I had my dad's old steer wrestling horse, but I had to share him. Then when I was 12 I got Cuffy, Cuffy Beau Jack is his registered name. He was 3 at the time. He was the first horse I ever trained and spent 10 or so years doing so. He was my barrel racing and team roping horse. I loved him but we had this love-hate relationship. He liked to tick me off and I liked it when he did it. We just knew eachother. I won my first and only saddle and buckle off of him. Here's my little bragging blurb, I actually competed at the Canadian Team Roping championships and won with my brother Cory. I didn't do as well as Cory, he won 4 titles that day, something that had never been done before or since. We had an opportunity to then go to Guthrie, OK to compete in the National Team Roping Championships but we didn't. We were happy enough winning Canadian titles.
Then when I moved into town I stopped using him so much and it was around a time when people from the states were coming to buy some of our horses. My brother sold his horse to a fellow from Hawaii, and they were interested in Cuffy but he was a little older than they wanted. So instead word of mouth occurred and a fellow from Mayerthorpe came to try him out. He really liked him. I was not in the best financial state so it seemed like a good idea to sell. I was asking $12,000 for him. CRAZY, I would never pay that amount of money for a horse. So anyways. Terry, the fellow, liked him and so we went to Sherwood Park to have him vet tested to make sure that he was sound and not hurt in anyway. I remember the vet moving his one knee in an odd way and then when I trotted Cuffy down the hall he came up lame. The Vet said it could be just the way he twisted it or it could be damaged, x-rays would tell. Well I prayed. I remember saying "God if I'm not meant to sell him, have the x-ray show something". Well as you know by the title, everything was fine and I sold him. I cried along with my dad all the way home from Sherwood Park. Sure I paid of my debts, put some money away, bought another horse, but it wasn't the same. I felt like I had turned away from my best friend, sold him out.
That fall Terry lent Cufft to a fellow team roper who happened to be competing at the finals held here. Well I got to see him and one night after the rodeo I went to the barns where he was at and cried. I promised that one day he would come back home.
Well a number of years later Terry had got a new horse and Cuffy was for sale, this time though for $17,000. Seriously?! He's older and now you want more money? Well needless to say if I'm still renting, I don't have $17,000 to spend on a horse! So he sold to someone else and he has been there ever since.
Well a week or so ago my brother, Cory, called and asked if I had any spare cash, my answer "I'm unemployed, no." Well turns out Cuffy is for sale and he is now 20 years old and the asking price is $3000. Well that is a significant drop but still I don't have the extra cash and I couldn't justify borrowing money to buy a horse that really I want just because he was my horse at one time. So that was the end of the conversation, I dismissed it.
The next day Cory called me and said that I best kiss up to my youngest brother, Casey as he bought Cuffy back. I can't believe it. He's coming home. Now I know that I am not the "owner" but I will be one day, I'll go back to work and I'll buy Cuffy from Casey and I'll fulfill my promise to a horse that he will die at the farm. Oh how I love my family though. Really who decides to just buy an extra horse when they don't really need it just to have it back home and put a smile on your big sister's face?! I'm so blessed to be in this family.
Then when I moved into town I stopped using him so much and it was around a time when people from the states were coming to buy some of our horses. My brother sold his horse to a fellow from Hawaii, and they were interested in Cuffy but he was a little older than they wanted. So instead word of mouth occurred and a fellow from Mayerthorpe came to try him out. He really liked him. I was not in the best financial state so it seemed like a good idea to sell. I was asking $12,000 for him. CRAZY, I would never pay that amount of money for a horse. So anyways. Terry, the fellow, liked him and so we went to Sherwood Park to have him vet tested to make sure that he was sound and not hurt in anyway. I remember the vet moving his one knee in an odd way and then when I trotted Cuffy down the hall he came up lame. The Vet said it could be just the way he twisted it or it could be damaged, x-rays would tell. Well I prayed. I remember saying "God if I'm not meant to sell him, have the x-ray show something". Well as you know by the title, everything was fine and I sold him. I cried along with my dad all the way home from Sherwood Park. Sure I paid of my debts, put some money away, bought another horse, but it wasn't the same. I felt like I had turned away from my best friend, sold him out.
That fall Terry lent Cufft to a fellow team roper who happened to be competing at the finals held here. Well I got to see him and one night after the rodeo I went to the barns where he was at and cried. I promised that one day he would come back home.
Well a number of years later Terry had got a new horse and Cuffy was for sale, this time though for $17,000. Seriously?! He's older and now you want more money? Well needless to say if I'm still renting, I don't have $17,000 to spend on a horse! So he sold to someone else and he has been there ever since.
Well a week or so ago my brother, Cory, called and asked if I had any spare cash, my answer "I'm unemployed, no." Well turns out Cuffy is for sale and he is now 20 years old and the asking price is $3000. Well that is a significant drop but still I don't have the extra cash and I couldn't justify borrowing money to buy a horse that really I want just because he was my horse at one time. So that was the end of the conversation, I dismissed it.
The next day Cory called me and said that I best kiss up to my youngest brother, Casey as he bought Cuffy back. I can't believe it. He's coming home. Now I know that I am not the "owner" but I will be one day, I'll go back to work and I'll buy Cuffy from Casey and I'll fulfill my promise to a horse that he will die at the farm. Oh how I love my family though. Really who decides to just buy an extra horse when they don't really need it just to have it back home and put a smile on your big sister's face?! I'm so blessed to be in this family.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
It's always a learning process
So the weekend was good, despite how my blog from yesterday might have sounded.
I was enlightened though. I often forget that Jacob's entire world is different than what it was 4 months ago. This made me try to think of what could possibly be the same. I couldn't think of anything. How hard that would be on someone; especially a 2 year old.
He lived in the city, we live in a small town.
He rarely left home, we go somewhere everyday.
He was being raised by 2 parents, now he has 1.
He didn't have a lot of children around, we have a little girl come over a couple times a week and we go to a play group at least once a week, and we see his cousins at least once a week.
His parents were quite elderly, okay just really old, and I'm young! Hey I got told I look 20 this weekend, I'm using it to my full advantage.
He wasn't talking at all, now he chatters away all the time and the majority of the time it is words, not just vocalizations.
He was fed his food, I let him feed himself (by this I mean they literally spoon fed him and he didn't seem to have a say in how much he ate or didn't eat, now he controls the utensil and when he says "done" I let him be).
He was told "sshh quiet!" I never tell him this unless we are pretending someone is sleeping. I know that this happened because this was one of the first things he would say on a consistent basis and it was always at meal times. We talk non-stop at meal times now.
He wasn't potty trained, now he's almost there.
He didn't have a regular sleep schedule, now he is up everyday between 7-7:30, nap after lunch for a couple hours, and bed at 8pm.
He hated baths, now he loves them.
He wasn't an affectionate little boy, well that's what his assessments said. He always comes running and wants to be cuddled or snuggled. He easily falls asleep in my arms at least 3 times a week. (I'm a sucker and sometimes I let him do this just so I get to hold him).
He didn't have any pets, now he has 2 dogs.
He had temper tantrums to the point he would bang his head. He hasn't done that in over a month, in fact he rarely has temper tantrums anymore. Oh sure I'm not going to lie, he does get upset and starts crying but nothing like he used to be when he got upset.
He even drank all his liquids warm. I have to admit he has now had 4 slushes, little ones, but he loved them all just the same.
When I think of all these changes and how I would cope with them I begin to realize the magnitude of the change of what has occurred in his very young life.
This has made me realize that I do need to understand that although I feel like he has never not been in my life, sometimes I can't treat him like that and I need to understand that if he can't and doesn't want to sit through yet another chapel time it is okay for us to leave and go sit in the foyer and I hold and tickle him. Which is exactly what we did today.
My life needs to adjust to him, not always his to mine.
I was enlightened though. I often forget that Jacob's entire world is different than what it was 4 months ago. This made me try to think of what could possibly be the same. I couldn't think of anything. How hard that would be on someone; especially a 2 year old.
He lived in the city, we live in a small town.
He rarely left home, we go somewhere everyday.
He was being raised by 2 parents, now he has 1.
He didn't have a lot of children around, we have a little girl come over a couple times a week and we go to a play group at least once a week, and we see his cousins at least once a week.
His parents were quite elderly, okay just really old, and I'm young! Hey I got told I look 20 this weekend, I'm using it to my full advantage.
He wasn't talking at all, now he chatters away all the time and the majority of the time it is words, not just vocalizations.
He was fed his food, I let him feed himself (by this I mean they literally spoon fed him and he didn't seem to have a say in how much he ate or didn't eat, now he controls the utensil and when he says "done" I let him be).
He was told "sshh quiet!" I never tell him this unless we are pretending someone is sleeping. I know that this happened because this was one of the first things he would say on a consistent basis and it was always at meal times. We talk non-stop at meal times now.
He wasn't potty trained, now he's almost there.
He didn't have a regular sleep schedule, now he is up everyday between 7-7:30, nap after lunch for a couple hours, and bed at 8pm.
He hated baths, now he loves them.
He wasn't an affectionate little boy, well that's what his assessments said. He always comes running and wants to be cuddled or snuggled. He easily falls asleep in my arms at least 3 times a week. (I'm a sucker and sometimes I let him do this just so I get to hold him).
He didn't have any pets, now he has 2 dogs.
He had temper tantrums to the point he would bang his head. He hasn't done that in over a month, in fact he rarely has temper tantrums anymore. Oh sure I'm not going to lie, he does get upset and starts crying but nothing like he used to be when he got upset.
He even drank all his liquids warm. I have to admit he has now had 4 slushes, little ones, but he loved them all just the same.
When I think of all these changes and how I would cope with them I begin to realize the magnitude of the change of what has occurred in his very young life.
This has made me realize that I do need to understand that although I feel like he has never not been in my life, sometimes I can't treat him like that and I need to understand that if he can't and doesn't want to sit through yet another chapel time it is okay for us to leave and go sit in the foyer and I hold and tickle him. Which is exactly what we did today.
My life needs to adjust to him, not always his to mine.
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