Ramblings

I think that I really should blog more often because then there wouldn't be one entry with a wide variety of topics that I'm trying to cover.  Oh well, one day when we have 36 hours in a day maybe I will have time. 
Well this Friday all of the papers were signed for Jacob to become legally mine.  I had to have two references that swore an oath in front of a commissioner.  I chose the two people to do this that were called first and should I ever have a baby naturally would also be called first.  My mom, and my very good friend Tammy, Jacob's only non-family aunt.  Afterwards we all went out for lunch, my treat. 
While we were doing paperwork I asked about adopting again.  I want a houseful of children so I want to know when I can start the process again.  I was quite let down and shocked when I was told that I could not start the process until a year after Jacob is legally mine.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  With thousands of children in care you want me to wait a full year, just to start the process.  So realistically I'm thinking Jacob will be legally mine in October.  Then I have to wait one full year, so October 2011.  Then I have to get my documents, which I will be speedy at, but then I have to wait for a social worker to see me and meet with me to discuss my potential child.  Then I have to have another home study done, a person comes to do 3 interviews, then they have to call my references, then they prepare their document, bring it back to me, I sign it off.  Then that document goes back to the social worker who sends it to their supervisor who reads it, who signs it off, who then sends it back to the social worker and then I am finally placed in the matching world. Then I sit and wait until they find a suitable child, which we all know how long that can or cannot take.   AGAIN, ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
This entire policy does not make any sense to me, and although I know this won't be the process for me because I know the loopholes in the policy I feel for adoptive parents that don't know the loopholes and therefore sit and wait and follow the policy. 
So what loophole you wonder.  Well I know that there is a process called foster to adopt in Alberta.  So basically I become a foster home but only have children that will most likely 90% chance will be available for adoption and then I would be first choice to adopt them.  This I can do at anytime.  I actually was a licensed foster home this whole past year but let the license lapse in June because I wasn't interested anymore since I got Jacob.  So that's my loophole.  In November I think I will call the social worker for fostering and start that process to get re-licensed again and go from there. 
Okay so that's that story.

I'm reading "The Shack" if you haven't ever read it I suggest you get a hold of a copy.  It's a fiction and a really good read.  That's all I will say on that.

So since I've started to read the bible more I find that I'm wanting to read it more and more. I find my relationship with God developing like a new/re-kindled friendship.  How I would describe it is: you meet a person that you walk away thinking, I like that person, we could be friends.  Then you meet again and this time chat more and then it evolves into getting together for coffee, then a few phone calls and pretty soon they are your best friend and you share everything with them.  That how it has been like lately with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit.  It's a place I was ten years ago and then lost it.  Ten years ago though I was a new Christian and I was one of those "on fire" people.  Now its different because the relationship isn't brand new, its re-kindled.  Like a comfortable old jeans that you wore a long time ago and the minute you put them on it brings back comfort.  Or whatever metaphor you want to use here.  So that's that story.

Okay, last one for today, or maybe not.  So for 4 years I was in an odd relationship.  Last year in December it finally ended.  Well I knew at the time it was over.  However the heart takes a while to heal and move on.  So to label the previous man I'm going to call him "heroin", not really but as I look back on the relationship he was like a drug to me.  I would be so anxious to see him that there would be this big build up and then as soon as I saw him there would be a bit of a high and then anxiety because it was over and I wanted the rush of the excitement to see him again.  Ya get me?!  Okay, so it ended.  Well this past week I had a dream about heroin.  I dreamt that he called and asked me for a visit.  I went.  Hello, it's heroin, another high right.  Well in the dream I went over, and his girlfriend showed up.  I was miss calm, cool collected and played it off that I had just stopped by to say hello since I hadn't seen him in a long time.  Then a few hours later he called and apologized and told me how it wasn't going well with her and wondered if we could re-connect.  Okay, so remember, this is heroin, heroin that in the 4 previous years no matter what I did I ended up back using, not able to leave him alone and let go, mind you he was just as guilty for that too.  Whenever I thought he was gone he would pop back in.  Okay, so what did I do in my dream??  I SAID NO!  Can you believe it?  I almost couldn't.  I told him that we had done this dance for too long and it was quite clear that we both wanted different things so thanks for the offer but I was happier now.  We hugged and it was done.  Now reality is that he is in a relationship and I'm assuming quite happy.  He chose her, not me, and it's working out for them.  I can say honestly that I do wish him and his family the best.  I have no hard feelings.  What I'm happy about though is that this dream to me let me know I'm okay.  I know that there is no decision to be made but if there was, I'd say no.  So ironically I saw him today.  We said hello and walked our separate ways.  Both happy with our decisions.  Door closed and it feels good.

Okay now last rambling.  It is canning season and although I think I cleared out enough shelves I haven't even done pickles yet so I'm thinking I need more shelves!

Just Smile

I watched a movie tonight that just made me smile.  I read the book last fall while I was sitting on the beach in Peurto Vallarta.  At the time I thought that the book was just okay.  As time went on though I read the author's other book.  I felt that it too was okay.  Yet for some reason as time goes on and I think about the story, and the unwritten story in each book I smile.  I just smile. 
Sometimes it's nice to have something that just brings a smile to your face.

Small Town BIG MIRACLE

I had a friend tell me about this book she wanted me to read.  Yesterday she left it in my mail slot at church.  While Jacob was napping I started and finished the book.  It's a quick read but an amazing story.  I've attached a link.  http://files.tyndale.com/thpdata/FirstChapters/978-1-58997-443-2.pdf
So what's the book about ????  A small little community of only 300 people that starts an adoption movement.  Within 10 years 72 children from the foster care system are adopted by community members.  I've been toying around the idea of how to reach more people about how great it is to adopt and to share my experience because I believe it was the best way for me to have a child.  In the book they mention of how people are amazed that these are "foster" kids and how cute they are.  That's the hook.  Jacob is a wonderful little boy and so many people who I meet now and hear that he was a foster child I think/hope, that they walk away and say to themselves "well isn't he a cute little guy."  There are so many good foster kids out there that need a home to have as theirs forever.  So maybe, just maybe people that we've met will reconsider, or consider, adopting a child through the foster care system.
As I write this I have to you know that I've had Jacob's potential sibling on my mind a lot lately.  I don't know why.  Some of you I may not have shared that I knew when I was matched with Jacob that his mom was pregnant again.  She had called just prior to our meeting and passed on the message that she wanted Jacob to know he was going to have another sibling.  I had not told a lot of people I think because to begin with I wasn't open to that possibility.  I thought that I had lucked out with Jacob and so why take a chance that I would be so lucky again with the similar gene pool.  I think as time has passed I've come to realize that I'm not lucky but that God has blessed me and if He wants me to have a sibling of Jacob's He will make that happen.  I have no clue how pregnant she was but if she had just found out it is a good possibility that the baby will be born anytime now.  There are so many things that would have to happen for it to all fall into place for Jacob and I to have his sibling join us but I have faith if it is meant to be it will.  I'm not going to get my hopes up to high but the possibility is there.  So for now we'll just add baby to our list of prayers, that he or she is born healthy, is safe, and is in a home that will love him or her unconditionally.

I'm not a special person

Since adopting Jacob, or even before he came, I would often hear "wow your a special person for doing what your doing."  I really don't like hearing this.  The word "special" doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, it never has.  I know what people are saying, and I know that they are meaning it as a compliment but I don't feel any more "special" than any other parent.  I wanted to be a mom.  I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  It's all I've been meant to do in life.  I've also known that I'm supposed to be a mom to other people's kids.  I don't know if I'll ever have my own and it doesn't bother me if I don't.  I knew I was getting older and I knew that my desire/need to have children was still there.  It became clear that I had a choice.  To begrudge and be jealous of all my friends who were having children the natural way or do something about it.  I did something about it.  I started my family, just as any other family would decide that.  The only difference is that my family is me and my extended family.  Yes I looked for support and agreement with my decision with my parents, brothers, but in the end it was my decision.  I decided to be a mom.  I'm not special, I'm just someone who wanted to be a mom.  My son isn't lucky to have me as his mom, I'm blessed to have him.  I'm greatful to his biological mom.  I'm the lucky one who was given a child that is so full of happiness and optimism, so much like me. 
We all have choices in life and whether you make the choice or not doesn't make you special, it just gives you a decision and an outcome to live with. 
A friend left a book in my mailbox at church.  It's about a small town church in Texas that influenced their congregation and 72 children were adopted within that congregation.  AMAZING!@@!!!!  I'm almost done the book but reading it just verifies I'm where I'm supposed to be in life.  I'm meant to be a mom.  I can relate to these stories and can't wait for the next phone call saying "Do you think you could take.......(child/children)"  ABSOLUTELY.

Time slips away

I used to hate when people would tell me that they have been so busy and that's why they haven't kept in touch.  I get it now.  As you can tell I rarely have time to blog lately it seems.  I still haven't posted pictures of Jacob's birthday and his present yet!  My days fly by and I'm just busy.  Then people ask what I do all day and I don't know?!  Well I could give a breakdown but come on who really wants to read about a stay at home mom's day?!!?  That's what I thought, snoozeville! 
I do a lot of canning, baking, and cooking though.  As well as lately reading many, many stories to Jacob.  He's always bringing a book and saying "read mom".  Yes we are up to pretty consistent 2 word sentences.  The other day while driving he said "stop, wait, go, fast, urch, stop, stop"  I wondered if I could tell the speech therapist that now he's saying 7 word sentences?!
Today we went and picked raspberries, this is my 3rd time going to pick the same bushes.  It was a challenge keeping the kids out of my bucket and me ahead of them on the bushes.  Jacob would sneak in front of me and be eating off of the bush.
So my big news that I have to share though is that I am buying land!  Finally I am actually working towards my dream of living on an acreage.  I've had a plan to buy a bit of land from my brother for a few years and finally this week he gave me a price and so now as soon as I go back to work I'll start paying for it and then hopefully within the next 2 years we will be moved out there.  I've looked at ready to move homes because they seem the most affordable on my budget and found a plan I liked right away but the company and I were playing phone tag.  I felt like I was trying on a wedding dress and even though I looked at several other layouts I kept comparing them to my original choice.  I thought that I was dreaming because based on the quotes from all the other companies for something similar it didn't look like I was going to be able to afford my dream home.  However sometimes its worth having dreams.  I found out today that the house is well within my budget, including it being moved and there is enough money leftover for me to have a basement as well.  I won't have a finished basement anytime soon but I will have a basement to create into more rooms later on if I need it.  So my dream house is a 3 bedroom 1-1/2 story 1063sq ft house.  It's a cabin/chalet style.  I'm so excited.  I've got all the prices down for all the utilites from my brother and his wife so I know a rough estimate of what it will cost. 
Jacob is even taking an interest.  I had the house plans laid out on the table and he said "our house?"  I said "you bet buddy, pretty soon, it will be our house."

JACOB's BIRTHDAY!!

Jacob turned 3 this week.  I wanted it of course to be special since it was his first birthday with his forever family.  So I wanted to make him a cake, well I had hoped to get someone else to make the cake but the short notice didn't allow for that so instead I made the cake.  It turned out okay for a first cake decorator I think.

He was so funny, once the candle was lit he didn't take his eyes off of the flame.

I had a BBQ with just the family to celebrate, still there was 14 of us here to celebrate his first birthday (for us that is).

I'll post more pictures later but instead of a bunch of gifts everyone chipped in and I bought him a little trampoline with the net. He dove right into the trampoline as soon as it was opened, I think his first birthday was a huge success!!

I remember now

So the last blog was a bunch of ramblings.  I remember now what I had intended to blog about.  I thought about it all weekend, of course when I don't have a computer readily available.  I did remember though so now I write.
I'm not much of a preachy person (not sure about the preachy word!)  I don't tend to talk a lot about God to my friends and family, or people in general.  I am open about the fact that I'm a Christian; someone who has accepted that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that he is my saviour.  What I've found is that people know this about me and they feel comfortable coming to me when they have questions about God, Jesus, the bible, etc.  This is when I do my speel about God and Jesus and how to get to heaven.  (Please forgive me for using a bunch of my own made up words on my blog, I tend to have my own language sometimes!  It just seemed appropriate to put that apology here.)
So anyways last week our pastor was still on holidays, he seemed like he had been gone forever!  I really like our pastor and his family, and his style of preaching the word.  He uses common sense and the bible to do his sermon, and I always like listening and hearing what God has in store for him to tell us.  Anyways, last week it was another fellow in our church who was doing the sermon.  I was a little disappointed when I realized it wouldn't be pastor Norm, but then Phillip started the sermon.  At the end of the sermon I knew I had to write about it.  (I know I'm a little forgetful as you can tell by the last blog, but I knew it would come back to me.)
Phillip talked about John 3:16-20.  Now most people know John 3:16; I think it's one of the most famous verses in the bible but it's the rest of the passage that hit me.

      16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

So I'm going to get preachy on my blog today.  It's my blog I can do what I want right? 
Jesus didn't come to judge us and say we aren't good enough for heaven, no he came to save us so that every single person on this planet who believed in him has the choice, yes I said choice, to go to heaven or hell.  You have a choice.  You may think, no I'm a good person I'll go to heaven.  Here's a news flash, you don't get into heaven by being a good person.
 From the bible : Romans 3:23For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. 25 For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.

You see we don't go to heaven by being good, sure we all think that we are good people but that isn't what God wants, he wants us to accept that Jesus died for you, for me, for all of us and this is how you go to heaven.  The ten commandments weren't given for us to follow, well yes they were, but they were also given so that we could all see that we are not perfect.  No one can live up to them.  No one but Jesus.  I've lied, I've disrespected my parents, I've stolen something I'm sure, magnets from work, no one can live up to those commandments.  So we are not as good as we all think!
Now some people may have stopped reading by now and thought, this isn't my cup of tea to read to day, for those of you that haven't I'm hoping that if you haven't already became a Christian and accepted that Jesus died for each of us then you will give this some serious thought.  See I always knew about heaven and I knew that I wanted to go there.  The choice is easy for me, heaven, where it is glorious, or hell where I am condemned to burn for eternity?  Yep, easy one for me. 
I know some people will say that people who believe in God are those who have weak minds and need to have faith in something.  I'll accept that wholly.  I would rather believe in a heaven than in nothing.  I find the latter to be bleak and grey.  I believe in God because he has preformed so many miracles in my own life that I know He exists and that he sent Jesus to die for my sins so that I may go to heaven one day. 
The biggest miracle right now is Jacob.  He could have potentially been adopted twice before me, yet God knew that this little boy was destined to be my son.  Some may think coincidence.  Okay, maybe.  How is it though that everything that I prayed to God for was granted in my son.  From his features, to his age, to his character, to his similarities to me?  Coincidence?  Nope, in my books a miracle.
So continue to believe what you wish and if that is God FANTASTIC!  If not please, give what I've said some thought.  Now you at least know your ticket into heaven and can make the CHOICE.