Christmas and all the hype

I keep getting asked; "is Jacob excited for Christmas/Santa?"  I feel awkward whenever anyone asks because I really haven't made a big hype about it.  I haven't been telling him that Santa is coming soon everyday, in fact we don't even have a chocolate advent calendar.  We do have a sticker advent calendar that counts down until the birth of baby Jesus.  I've been trying to instill that message more so than the Santa and present message.  I'm doing it not just because its a belief of mine but also because I hear people say that Christmas has become too commercialized yet it is these same people that talk about all the presents that they have bought for their kids.  Don't get me wrong, Jacob is getting two presents from Santa and a stocking but the rest is from me, mom. 
We have done things in the spirit of Christmas but its about the giving.  We did a Christmas box for a teen boy overseas.  We went and enjoyed festival of hope where you got to do crafts and wagon rides and yes, sit on Santa.  We made a gingerbread house together.  We went with another family and cut down a Christmas tree.  We went carolling this week in the community.  We really did do family things together and not just talk about Santa and the presents.  Jacob is starting to say more and more, "baby Jesus" when asked who's birthday it is on Christmas instead of "ho ho ho".  The values and traditions are what I want to instill in my family, not the presents.  
So is Jacob excited about Santa?  I don't think so, does he appreciate all of the family things we've done to celebrate the season, I think so, and that to me is more important.

Jacob is Joseph!

Jacob was Joseph in the little Christmas stage today.  It was pretty cute, the kid with no dad plays dad!  I only make this comment because one of the other kids asked, where's Jacob's dad? and parents always looked like they are in pain when they wonder what to say about this.  I'm straight to the point and honest, Jacob doesn't have a dad.  He never really has, he's had poppa's and that is just okay with us!

Single-working mother

Well this week was my first full week back to work.  I'm so glad I did the transition thing.  I have to say; I'm so tired!!!  By Thursday evening I just wanted to go to bed at 8pm!  However this wasn't just a typical go to work, go home week.  Thursday night I had a meeting/social gathering, and then Friday night I went and picked up my brother's Christmas present, which was over an hour away and then came home.  Then yesterday I did a trade fair, today I'm going to church and then going to talk to prospective foster and adoptive parents.  However in thinking about it, is there ever a typical week???  Nest weekend we are going to Lloydminster to the water park for the day and do some Christmas shopping.  Maybe the week after will be uneventful, nope Christmas party and going to get our Christmas tree out in the bush!  Well maybe the middle of January will be boring. 
On another note Jacob is stimming less and less with me!!!  He's doing it a lot some days with other people but with me it has decreased significantly.  Now if I know anything about behaviour and my child, I expected it to decrease with me first anyways.  I'm the constant and the person who he is most comfortable with, everyone else is not the constant.  So I would see the decrease first because he has reached his comfort with me again and then everyone else will see it dwindle a little bit more as time goes on. 
Geez louise do I love that little boy though and this week I missed him so much!  Friday night because I had missed him so much I thought I would have the grand idea of us having a "sleepover" in my bed.  Yeah, I won't do that for awhile again.  He tossed and turned, I tossed and turned and neither one of us had a good sleep I don't think.  Oh well, we tried!  I think I'll just take it when he comes into my room first thing in the morning and crawls into bed with me for 1/2 hour to initially wake up instead.

Jacob Tries to Skate!!

Jacob tried skating for the first time this weekend. 

He absolutely loved it, although the camera man kind of sucks so you can't see his giggles and smiles.  Definately will be trying it again very soon!

Bad/good dreams

The situation in my previous post caused me to have a dream last night I'm sure.  Last year I had a young man on my caseload who had an accident and then was put on life support and then I had to make the decision whether or not to remove the life support.  This was definitely the most stressful time of my entire working life.  I lost sleep over it and was a wreck for the entire time he was a live and for a period after his death.  He was only 24, he was a big tease and I quite enjoyed him.  What happened was he had a seizure and the way that he fell blocked his airway and when he was discovered they resuscitated him.  Then he was placed on life support.  Now I can't just decide to remove someone from life support.  I have to get a judge's approval and this of course doesn't happen lickity split.  So in the meantime a doctor asked if they could preform a tracheotomy to relieve pressure and provide more comfort to this young man.  I consented.  Biggest regret in my life.  What happened was that the young man then began to breathe on his own, due to reflex, and the ventilator was removed.  Still there was absolutely no brain activity.  So what do you do in this situation?  There is no plug to remove in this case, so to speak.  Well I relied on the professionals.  After knowing what I know now, I should have never consented to the trachea because then there would have been a plug to remove and the death would have been a lot quicker.  What happened was the young man starved to death.  He was given pain medication but no nutritional IV.  It took approximately a month for him to pass away.  I did go and see him in this state.  I felt I had to because of the decisions I had made lead him to this spot.  I had and still have an immense amount of guilt around this guys life and death.  I know that I made decisions based on what the professionals told me to do, however I don't know that I would do it the same way again, no I know I wouldn't.  Based on this experience my personal directive states I will not consent to resuscitation, or tracheotomy, or any plug being put in. TV glamorizes death when you take a person off of life support, it doesn't always happen in moments, sometimes it takes days or weeks for the person to pass away. 
Well last night I dreamt about the young man.  In my dream he started off in the bed, dying, and by the end of the dream he had recuperated and was full of life again.  The dream ended like I wish his life would have.  It doesn't get rid of my guilt, but I hope now that he is in peace and no longer in pain.

What would you do?

I was at a long term care facility yesterday and doing some business.  I noticed a person who looked a lot younger than the rest of the residents laying in a bed.  I have a very good relationship with the lodge manager and asked what the story was.  The manager told me how the person had been 42, parent, very involved in their children's lives, very involved in the community and church and then they started to getting depressed.  IT got worse and worse and so they were admitted to a psych unit in a large hospital.  While there they were in a counselling session and then excused themselves and went to their room and hung themselves.  They were discovered and cut down, however the damage was done and there is sever brain injury and now they are in a vegetative state.  They have been like this for 9 years now.  So my question relates to the spouse left.  The spouse has attempted to date other people and move on with life however they feel that they are in limbo because their spouse is still alive.  Would you move on or would you feel tied to your spouse because technically they are still alive?  How sad for the children left as well.  It is just an absolute unfortunate circumstance.  I honestly don't know what I would do. 

Fireproof

I heard about this movie "fireproof" a long time ago but never had any interest in watching it since all I heard about it was that it was really good for married couples to watch.  Well I'm a single, not a couple so I figured why bother.  Now I'm not a bitter single person who refuses to be happy for anyone in my life that is a couple, I attended all their weddings and am truly happy for each and everyone of them, I just haven't gotten there yet so I thought this movie wouldn't apply to me. Well tonight there was nothing on tv that interested me and I'm usually not a movie person but I thought why not?  Actually I was going to watch Passion of the Christ again but then came across Fireproof in my collection and so figured I'd give it a whirl.
Well within the first 1/2 hour I was crying, tears streaming down my cheeks and wondering why it took me so long to watch the movie in the first place. 
So to backup a little bit I've changed my list for a desired man/partner.  The first and most important thing, he has a relationship with God.  I won't date a non-Christian, just won't do it and it won't work.  God is a huge part of my life, I wake up and the third thing I do in the morning is read my bible, we pray at all meals, I talk a lot about God and how He is in my life each and every day.  He's in it, my partner has to have that too.  I'm a firm believer in a marriage takes 3, and Jacob isn't going to be in bed with us everynight, so he's not the third.  So, with that said I have started to pray about a husband, a father figure for Jacob, an equal.  Some may find this odd but it hasn't been something that I have often prayed for in my life.  I always thought that it was so selfish and that instead I should be praying for others, don't get me wrong others do need prayer and I still need to pray for them but I can pray for me too sometimes.  Well this morning before I read my bible I actually did pray about a husband.  I know it is in God's time and I finally do get that God isn't going to "show" me what kind of man I should be with, He'll just plunk him down right in front of me and say "Here's that husband you've been praying and wondering about."  Well not really like that but it will be obvious, no guessing games, no wondering, it will just be.
Okay with that said though, no I haven't met that person and I don't have any leads or anything, just realizations that it will be when it will be.
Okay, back to the movie, enough about my nonexistent love life.  The movie really was great for couples, just a reminder that if you fall in love once it is possible to do it again.  I have always believed this.  I can vouch for it.  My mom and dad almost were divorced when I was about 5.  My mom fell out of love with my dad.  However she knew she had loved him once and she knew she wanted to love him again.  36 years later they are eachother's best friends and equals.  They are Johnny and June (If you know what I'm talking about).  A friend a few months ago was talking about my parents and she didn't want to upset me but she said she thought they were the type that one would pass away and then shortly the other would too.  She didn't want to say it at first and then I said it.  I think I've known this for a very long time and although when the time comes it will be hard but I hope I will understand that the person left behind passed because of a broken heart.  Okay, all sappy now, time to move on.
The movie, even though it was primarily about a marriage it had so many things about it that were good for anyone single or couple to watch, it was just a really good movie.  I did laugh out loud in it too so it isn't just a tear jerker. 
So if I haven't rambled on too long and bored you to death go and watch it and tell me what you think.
Hey my brother Cory even watched it before me and if I remember correctly he did enjoy it.

Jacob get's crafty!

Jacob had been going to nursery at church and then when he turned 3 he had the opportunity to go to a group called alpha-bits.  They do a craft, listen to a story, have a snack and watch a DVD in it.  I wasn't sure about his ability to follow the rest of the class and so wasn't going to send him until October, well now.  I spoke to another leader of alpha-bits and she encouraged me to send Jacob and see how it went.  Well the first time he just kind of played while everyone else did a craft and participated in everything.  The next time he colored a page and then played for the rest of the time.  The third time he sat and did the craft, listened to the story, had the snack, watched the DVD and then played.  Now it is a regular occurrence for him to do everything that the other kids are doing!  Here I was worried he couldn't/wouldn't keep up and although he doesn't participate vocally in the class, answering questions and such, he does everything that everyone else does now.  Here I would have been the one holding him back, he was ready.  This was a little learning experience for me, always try.  If  you don't try you'll never know!

Here are a few pictures of some of the crafts he has done.  One is a dusting mitt, the other is something to hold all the "gift certificates" he made.

Trauma

I've finally learned and accepted how much my poor little boy has had in his life.  I knew that he had but I don't think that I thoroughly understood the extent of the trauma he has had in his short little life until this week. 
Jacob had regressed with all of the changes that have occurred within the last month and a half.  I however only thought it was since I went back to work until I really sat and thought about it.
When he came home he did a self-stimulatory behaviour.  He had a couple actually.  He vocalized a lot, in high pitches and it was almost a screaming thing.  His movements were fluttering around and then flopping his upper body backwards on a couch, and he did quieter vocalizations to himself.  He acted very similar to a child who has autism, well in my experience anyways.  All of these behaviours slowly stopped and went away.  Lots of redirection and engaging him in his surroundings I think was what helped him to stop.  Now when I met him he did these things and I just thought that it was part of who he was.  I remember talking to the former foster mom, just prior to respite placement, and she said he didn't do those things.  So I thought that maybe he picked it up at the respite home from the other kids (even though no one really did those things). 
Well this past week he has been doing the body movements and vocalizations to himself A LOT.....  now when I say a lot I mean anytime I am not engaging him and paying full attention to him he is doing one or the other or both together.  Thankfully not the squealing/screaming.  It became so bad that at one point during breakfast I banged my hand on the table to get his attention.  I didn't do it in anger but rather to get his attention.  I have yet to get angry about all of this. 
Monday was a bad day for me.  I was so upset about him acting like this.  I didn't know why he was doing it and I felt at a loss.  It didn't help that I was pmsing and I get super emotional during that hormonal time.  Anyways I felt so frustrated that I dug out his assessment and called the contact person who always so politely says at the bottom of the last assessment page "please call should you have any future concerns or to discuss the findings of this assessment."  I explained what was going on.  The lovely woman on the other end was wonderful to talk to and confirmed my thoughts that it was his way of coping through all the changes.  She also recommended I get in contact with this program http://www.casaservices.org/ .  I went on their website right away and then called.  Again, another lovely lady, again thoughts that it was probably related to coping through change. 
Now with all this said, the behaviours have definitely decreased significantly within the past few days.  So going from self-stimming most of the time and needing constant redirection I only had to redirect maybe 5-10 times tonight.  The intensity has also decreased significantly, it doesn't take me 4 times of calling his name and banging my hand on the table to get his attention.
However I tried to figure out how did it get this bad without me noticing?  When did it start again, how come I didn't notice and do something sooner, is it going to happen again, every time there is change?
So I got the paperwork from CASA and was filling it out.  I came to the question: Pediatrician and physician?
It hit me.  It began when I stopped watching the kids.  It wasn't bad though, maybe 3 or 4 times a day, then progressively more and more.  I remember when he got sick and we went to the doctor's office I mentioned that he had been talking to himself and making sounds, at the time though it was mostly words, now it's just sounds.  Dr told me to watch it and maybe contact his pediatrician.  I didn't think about it again; I feel guilt now about it.
So lost the kids, then I started taking him to the sitters every once in a while, then I went to work, then I went away for 3 days.  No wonder he regressed back into his own little comfortable world of doing what soothed him.  Man do I feel guilty.  It took this for me to realize that this little boy whom I love with all my heart has had more change and trauma from the change in his 3 short years than I have ever had to cope with in 30.  I feel guilty for not telling him more about what was going on, thinking that he didn't understand, I feel guilty for not reassuring him I would never leave him.  I feel guilt for thinking way back when that this was just who he was and not realizing that this was his way of coping with change and loss, I feel guilt, boy do I feel guilt.
So where from here?
Well I've made the referral to CASA, even though by the time we get an appointment I'm sure the behaviour will disappear, we're still going to go.  Change will happen throughout his life and I need to know how to help him deal with the change and make the transitions as easy as possible on him so that he feels secure and somewhat in control of his life.
I remember saying that when I was going through the process of "desired child" and I kept saying that I didn't want to have to advocate when I came home.  I wanted to have a child that was "normal as possible".  I think of that statement now and realize how utterly stupid that comment was.  Of course I will advocate for everything my child needs, dumb, dumb, dumb.  They say that parenting is a learning experience and in my short parenting life I've learned a lot.  There is no such thing as "normal" child, I would call whomever, go wherever, and pay anything to make sure that Jacob got everything that he needs in life to help him in any and every way possible.
My question though is why the heck did children services not mention this wonderful resource to me prior to adoption???? Or to every single parent that adopts a child, like HELLOOOOOOO, moving from family to family is huge change and trauma and parents are just supposed to cope and deal with kids who are having difficulty?
Well I'm doing a talk to prospective adoptive and foster families on November 21st, you can bet I will be telling them about this resource and encouraging them to access it.

Hyperventilating.....breathe....hyperventilate....breathe....

Now that I have caught my breath I can tell you that I am going to back to work next week.  I had no clue??!  Well I did but I wasn't really keeping track of the dates and then all of a sudden it is here.  I go back next Friday morning just to get all my stuff back in order, passwords, on the computer, my blackberry hooked up again, and my name on the pay schedule.  Then on the following Tuesday I go with my boss for two nights, 3 days to Fort McMurray.  Jacob is going to stay with my mom and dad for these three days.  I opted to go right away on a road trip because this is really my only overnight place to go and if I get it done and over with right away I might not really have any overnights until January or February. 
I am excited to go back to work because I like what I do and I think I'm okay at it.  I'm very comfortable where Jacob will be going during the days so it seems to have all worked out.  The little girl that I watched all summer will actually be going there too so he will get to play with her all day again.  He's gone to the sitters' home now a couple of times and each time he doesn't really want to leave so lets just hope that that attitude  continues. 
I can't believe the 10 months has gone so fast.  He's changed so much!  From a little chubbier boy who didn't really talk or engage much to a taller, slender boy who talks my ear off.  You should hear him in the vehicle.  "Slow down, go fast, turn, turn, wait for me...." he's quite the backseat driver! 

February 1st, 2010

September 27, 2010

New blog

I've decided to start another blog.  It will focus more on my relationship with God.  I had originally started this blog to talk about Jacob and how our lives are growing so I wanted to keep that focus.  So from now on I'll try to keep on blog focused on Jacob and our life and the other on my relationship with Christ.
I have to of course tell you what the blog is though just in case you might be interested in what I have to say.  I called it "365 Miracles"  web address is http://www.oneadaymiracle.blogspot.com/
I came up with it today when I was driving my niece to the city to go to build a bear for her birthday.  How many of us have miracles happen every day and we don't realize it?  I'm going to attempt to write one miracle each and every day.  They happen everyday, you just have to look for them.  Come and see what each day holds for me if your interested!

I'm thinking this might be our photo to send in Christmas cards this year.  It is at Bellis Lake, which is where we spent a lot of time this summer and fall fishing.  My mom took the photo yesterday when the fall colors were so bright and showing their beautiful colors. 

Fishing

I love fishing.  I would do it everyday if I could.  I like going in a boat but I especially like fishing off the shore where you can just sit and enjoy it and not worry about how much room you have or hooking some one's life jacket, etc. 

Our family though I often wonder why we still like fishing.  We've had our fish stories let me tell you, usually nothing to do with the fish though.  We've had boat problems, we've had catching people in other boat problems, we have had the odd fish problem, but overall we seem to be like the Griswald's of fishing but still we love it, maybe its the stories we create, who knows.

So here's the latest story.  My dad, Jacob and I went fishing for trout.  I have a small aluminum boat that we took.  The lake that we went to you can only use non-power boats because its so small and an environmentally friendly lake.  So we took the boat out fishing for awhile then went to shore to eat lunch then went out in the boat a second time.  After a while we decided to head to shore.  Well this time, just like the previous time, I got out first.  Then when I was on shore I reached down to pull the boat to closer to shore to make it easier for my dad to get out, as I pulled and didn't look behind me, he didn't look at me and was standing up.  Well you can imagine what happened upside down he went in the boat.  Luckily not right out of the boat.  However he did fall so hard against the back of the boat that he bruised his ribs quite badly.  Not something good for someone who only a few months earlier broke 6 ribs!   Boy did I feel bad.  My dad though was good about it, there was no cursing and losing his temper, I think because he was in too much pain he could barely talk.  I had knocked the wind out of him.  Needless to say he is now on pain killers but still fishing.

Here's some pictures of us fishing last weekend, a few days after the rib incident.

Something's not right.

While we were on holidays Jacob started sleeping a lot.  He went from having a regular 1-1/2 hour nap to 3hrs+ and still was tired.  He would wake up in the morning after a long sleep and by 10am he was telling me he was tired.  Thinking back though it probably started on the Friday or Saturday just before we left for our trip.  The kid fell asleep at a rodeo for pete sakes!  I thought though it was an avoidance tactic, whenever I would ask him to do something, or he would get disciplined in the slightest he would say "Jake tired".  Well one day while we were with Chris and Marlene we were in Walmart and he kept saying it, well wouldn't you know he put his head on my chest with him sitting in the cart and did fall asleep!!  I thought it was just because he had missed his nap for that day though and we were travelling and just a bit of extra anxiety of the trip and not being in his own environment. 
So I didn't pay too much attention to this because he wasn't feverish, or throwing up or any other sick symptoms.  Then we got home.  After the 3rd day of 3 hour+ naps and 12 solid hours of sleep a night I made a doctors appointment.  This is not my normal little boy.  The other thing that had began to occur was that he complained that he hurt, he didn't say where, just "jake hurt" or "ow hurt".  I noticed too that he was stiff after his naps and bedtime.  He would look like he was physically sore in trying to bend down and pick up a toy.  He just wanted to sit and cuddle from nap time to bedtime.  Something definitely was not right. 
By Thursday night he was so sore that anytime I tried to touch him he cried.  The clincher was that he touched my cell phone with his finger and said "ow hurt".  Now your finger doesn't just hurt. 
So even though we had a doctor's appointment in the following 2 days I took him to emergency.  The doctor was concerned about one of 2 options that could be going on.  Very low iron, or diabetes. Oh I was hoping for low iron.  We went for blood work the very next morning.  HE was such a super kid for the needle and urine test.  I contribute the success to our own doctor book that I have read countless times and done all the motions of it.  Then yesterday morning we went for the follow up appointment.  His blood work showed nothing.  There was a bit of protein in his urine but nothing that couldn't be explained by diet.  So we're in the clear!   And of course he has now began to perk up, isn't complaining of being hurt and the naps are slowly getting shorter again.  So Doctor thinks it was a virus and that my little boy has such a good immune system that he didn't get the vomiting and diarrhea symptoms. 
Let me tell you though when I heard the "D" word my mind went racing.  Of course you aren't supposed to go to worst case scenario, but how do you not. 
I'm so thankful it was just a virus and Jacob is a tough little cookie, however boy do I feel bad for thinking he was just using the "Jake tired" as an avoidance tactic.  

Our Saskatchewan Trip

Our first stop was to Chris and Marlene's farm in SK. 

As soon as we arrived Jacob said "play tractor?"  He obviously remembered the toys that Chris and Marlene had!  We had an awesome few days with them. Chris insisted on taking Jacob to Peavey Mart to buy his very own tractor, a belated birthday gift.  Why was I not surprised that Jacob picked out a tractor and a trailer.  All vehicles that have a hitch need a trailer, don't you know?~  In my son's view they do anyways. 

After a few days we packed up and headed a bit south and saw Jen, Cory, and Mackenna.  Now how confusing is this.  My brother's name is Cory, his wife is Jen.  My best friend since elementary school is someone named Jen and her husband's name is Cory, now that's not all.  His sister's name is Jodi too!  We're surrounded! 

While visiting SK Jen and Cory, Jacob got to finally ride in a tractor.  He's been very hesitant to do this as of yet but Cory's new tractor is pretty quiet in the cab and its a nice shiny blue so Jacob went in with me and we went around the field once.  One evening he went with Cory to feed the cows out in the field too.  He's getting to the point now that he would like me to go on everything but if I'm not going and he still wants to do it he will.  Which is good, starting to get his independence and doesn't need mom for everything.  An aside though, it is nice to be wanted though. 

On our last full day with them we went to the swimming pool which was a phenomenal pool.  It has a water slide, wave pool, and this really cool little turn about that has a current going through it so it pushes you around and around.  There was also a little slide for Jacob to slide down which he did "again" and "again" and "again."  I would let him fall right into the water and pop back up on his own.  Still he wanted to do it again and again.  He's getting quite comfortable with water but doesn't push the limits and want to do everything on his own yet.

A kiss from mom.                                                  Now one from Mackenna!          

Then our last stop was in Lloydminster to stay a  night at my cousin's family's home.  Jacob really likes stopping here.  Tracie and James have 3 children ranging in ages from 6 to almost 2.  We had a great visit as always with Tracie's family.  Then on Saturday we made our way home.

What a great trip.  I did have to take a picture of these trains though advertising to visit Alberta, I thought it was humorous to see these in Saskatchewan while we are from Alberta.  There was one from the town we are from but I didn't snap the camera fast enough so I got Bonnyville instead, which is only 35 minutes away from us!

                                  

September long weekend

It really started Thursday night.  We went to the rodeo with both of my brothers and their families.  Jacob has really taken a liking to his uncle Casey, not that he doesn't like uncle Cory, but Casey is a big teddy bear sort of guy.  So that night I think would have been Jacob's first encounter with rodeo, he liked the junior bulls the best I think.  Unfortunately.

I had to include this picture of my oh so cute nephew.  Yes the buckle is almost bigger than him but it is one of his dad's so of course he had to wear it.  The funny thing about this little guy is that he suits this dress so well.  He has a little gruff and rough voice that is so deep I have no idea where it came from. 

So Saturday was parade day here in town.  We got to our spots early and watched the parade and got candy.  I was so proud of my little man.  He has really gotten the hang of sharing, so much so that when he tries to share and the little girl he's trying to share with doesn't want what he's sharing he gets a little forceful and shakes the toy and says "Share Share!".  I then have to explain that thank you for sharing she doesn't want what he's sharing and that's okay.  So to my story about the parade.  Candy was being thrown and there were two and Jacob picked up both little candies and immediately handed one to his cousin.  He didn't have to be prompted or told to, he just did it.  Yet another proud moment for a mom. 

After the parade we made our way to the rodeo.  It was kids day so they do more for the kids that day.  Well I thought Jacob would enjoy himself but..... he fell asleep on my lap before Oh Canada was even sang to begin the rodeo.  He slept for about 45 minutes, yes with the horns going off, crowd noises, being bumped all around and still he slept.  After his little nap he enjoyed watching.  I would like him to one day take an interest in the timed events, so team roping, calf roping, steer wrestling.  However he seems to have developed an interest at the other end of the arena.  Each time a junior steer rider went Jacob would say "I ride cow"  No Jacob, no, no, no.  Oh it already starts!
After the rodeo was all done it was on to the Kids Dummy roping.  My brother Cory and his wife Jen started this last year.  They get kids to rope a dummy and then win prizes.  This year my niece Madison won in her age category.  Jacob attempted to swing but he just goofed around but that was okay.  I hadn't entered him because he's a bit too little yet.  Maybe with lots of practise next year he'll enter.  I have to get him focused on doing something else either than riding steers!
After the dummy roping we headed out for our week long trip to Saskatchewan!!!

Ramblings

I think that I really should blog more often because then there wouldn't be one entry with a wide variety of topics that I'm trying to cover.  Oh well, one day when we have 36 hours in a day maybe I will have time. 
Well this Friday all of the papers were signed for Jacob to become legally mine.  I had to have two references that swore an oath in front of a commissioner.  I chose the two people to do this that were called first and should I ever have a baby naturally would also be called first.  My mom, and my very good friend Tammy, Jacob's only non-family aunt.  Afterwards we all went out for lunch, my treat. 
While we were doing paperwork I asked about adopting again.  I want a houseful of children so I want to know when I can start the process again.  I was quite let down and shocked when I was told that I could not start the process until a year after Jacob is legally mine.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  With thousands of children in care you want me to wait a full year, just to start the process.  So realistically I'm thinking Jacob will be legally mine in October.  Then I have to wait one full year, so October 2011.  Then I have to get my documents, which I will be speedy at, but then I have to wait for a social worker to see me and meet with me to discuss my potential child.  Then I have to have another home study done, a person comes to do 3 interviews, then they have to call my references, then they prepare their document, bring it back to me, I sign it off.  Then that document goes back to the social worker who sends it to their supervisor who reads it, who signs it off, who then sends it back to the social worker and then I am finally placed in the matching world. Then I sit and wait until they find a suitable child, which we all know how long that can or cannot take.   AGAIN, ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
This entire policy does not make any sense to me, and although I know this won't be the process for me because I know the loopholes in the policy I feel for adoptive parents that don't know the loopholes and therefore sit and wait and follow the policy. 
So what loophole you wonder.  Well I know that there is a process called foster to adopt in Alberta.  So basically I become a foster home but only have children that will most likely 90% chance will be available for adoption and then I would be first choice to adopt them.  This I can do at anytime.  I actually was a licensed foster home this whole past year but let the license lapse in June because I wasn't interested anymore since I got Jacob.  So that's my loophole.  In November I think I will call the social worker for fostering and start that process to get re-licensed again and go from there. 
Okay so that's that story.

I'm reading "The Shack" if you haven't ever read it I suggest you get a hold of a copy.  It's a fiction and a really good read.  That's all I will say on that.

So since I've started to read the bible more I find that I'm wanting to read it more and more. I find my relationship with God developing like a new/re-kindled friendship.  How I would describe it is: you meet a person that you walk away thinking, I like that person, we could be friends.  Then you meet again and this time chat more and then it evolves into getting together for coffee, then a few phone calls and pretty soon they are your best friend and you share everything with them.  That how it has been like lately with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit.  It's a place I was ten years ago and then lost it.  Ten years ago though I was a new Christian and I was one of those "on fire" people.  Now its different because the relationship isn't brand new, its re-kindled.  Like a comfortable old jeans that you wore a long time ago and the minute you put them on it brings back comfort.  Or whatever metaphor you want to use here.  So that's that story.

Okay, last one for today, or maybe not.  So for 4 years I was in an odd relationship.  Last year in December it finally ended.  Well I knew at the time it was over.  However the heart takes a while to heal and move on.  So to label the previous man I'm going to call him "heroin", not really but as I look back on the relationship he was like a drug to me.  I would be so anxious to see him that there would be this big build up and then as soon as I saw him there would be a bit of a high and then anxiety because it was over and I wanted the rush of the excitement to see him again.  Ya get me?!  Okay, so it ended.  Well this past week I had a dream about heroin.  I dreamt that he called and asked me for a visit.  I went.  Hello, it's heroin, another high right.  Well in the dream I went over, and his girlfriend showed up.  I was miss calm, cool collected and played it off that I had just stopped by to say hello since I hadn't seen him in a long time.  Then a few hours later he called and apologized and told me how it wasn't going well with her and wondered if we could re-connect.  Okay, so remember, this is heroin, heroin that in the 4 previous years no matter what I did I ended up back using, not able to leave him alone and let go, mind you he was just as guilty for that too.  Whenever I thought he was gone he would pop back in.  Okay, so what did I do in my dream??  I SAID NO!  Can you believe it?  I almost couldn't.  I told him that we had done this dance for too long and it was quite clear that we both wanted different things so thanks for the offer but I was happier now.  We hugged and it was done.  Now reality is that he is in a relationship and I'm assuming quite happy.  He chose her, not me, and it's working out for them.  I can say honestly that I do wish him and his family the best.  I have no hard feelings.  What I'm happy about though is that this dream to me let me know I'm okay.  I know that there is no decision to be made but if there was, I'd say no.  So ironically I saw him today.  We said hello and walked our separate ways.  Both happy with our decisions.  Door closed and it feels good.

Okay now last rambling.  It is canning season and although I think I cleared out enough shelves I haven't even done pickles yet so I'm thinking I need more shelves!

Just Smile

I watched a movie tonight that just made me smile.  I read the book last fall while I was sitting on the beach in Peurto Vallarta.  At the time I thought that the book was just okay.  As time went on though I read the author's other book.  I felt that it too was okay.  Yet for some reason as time goes on and I think about the story, and the unwritten story in each book I smile.  I just smile. 
Sometimes it's nice to have something that just brings a smile to your face.

Small Town BIG MIRACLE

I had a friend tell me about this book she wanted me to read.  Yesterday she left it in my mail slot at church.  While Jacob was napping I started and finished the book.  It's a quick read but an amazing story.  I've attached a link.  http://files.tyndale.com/thpdata/FirstChapters/978-1-58997-443-2.pdf
So what's the book about ????  A small little community of only 300 people that starts an adoption movement.  Within 10 years 72 children from the foster care system are adopted by community members.  I've been toying around the idea of how to reach more people about how great it is to adopt and to share my experience because I believe it was the best way for me to have a child.  In the book they mention of how people are amazed that these are "foster" kids and how cute they are.  That's the hook.  Jacob is a wonderful little boy and so many people who I meet now and hear that he was a foster child I think/hope, that they walk away and say to themselves "well isn't he a cute little guy."  There are so many good foster kids out there that need a home to have as theirs forever.  So maybe, just maybe people that we've met will reconsider, or consider, adopting a child through the foster care system.
As I write this I have to you know that I've had Jacob's potential sibling on my mind a lot lately.  I don't know why.  Some of you I may not have shared that I knew when I was matched with Jacob that his mom was pregnant again.  She had called just prior to our meeting and passed on the message that she wanted Jacob to know he was going to have another sibling.  I had not told a lot of people I think because to begin with I wasn't open to that possibility.  I thought that I had lucked out with Jacob and so why take a chance that I would be so lucky again with the similar gene pool.  I think as time has passed I've come to realize that I'm not lucky but that God has blessed me and if He wants me to have a sibling of Jacob's He will make that happen.  I have no clue how pregnant she was but if she had just found out it is a good possibility that the baby will be born anytime now.  There are so many things that would have to happen for it to all fall into place for Jacob and I to have his sibling join us but I have faith if it is meant to be it will.  I'm not going to get my hopes up to high but the possibility is there.  So for now we'll just add baby to our list of prayers, that he or she is born healthy, is safe, and is in a home that will love him or her unconditionally.

I'm not a special person

Since adopting Jacob, or even before he came, I would often hear "wow your a special person for doing what your doing."  I really don't like hearing this.  The word "special" doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, it never has.  I know what people are saying, and I know that they are meaning it as a compliment but I don't feel any more "special" than any other parent.  I wanted to be a mom.  I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  It's all I've been meant to do in life.  I've also known that I'm supposed to be a mom to other people's kids.  I don't know if I'll ever have my own and it doesn't bother me if I don't.  I knew I was getting older and I knew that my desire/need to have children was still there.  It became clear that I had a choice.  To begrudge and be jealous of all my friends who were having children the natural way or do something about it.  I did something about it.  I started my family, just as any other family would decide that.  The only difference is that my family is me and my extended family.  Yes I looked for support and agreement with my decision with my parents, brothers, but in the end it was my decision.  I decided to be a mom.  I'm not special, I'm just someone who wanted to be a mom.  My son isn't lucky to have me as his mom, I'm blessed to have him.  I'm greatful to his biological mom.  I'm the lucky one who was given a child that is so full of happiness and optimism, so much like me. 
We all have choices in life and whether you make the choice or not doesn't make you special, it just gives you a decision and an outcome to live with. 
A friend left a book in my mailbox at church.  It's about a small town church in Texas that influenced their congregation and 72 children were adopted within that congregation.  AMAZING!@@!!!!  I'm almost done the book but reading it just verifies I'm where I'm supposed to be in life.  I'm meant to be a mom.  I can relate to these stories and can't wait for the next phone call saying "Do you think you could take.......(child/children)"  ABSOLUTELY.

Time slips away

I used to hate when people would tell me that they have been so busy and that's why they haven't kept in touch.  I get it now.  As you can tell I rarely have time to blog lately it seems.  I still haven't posted pictures of Jacob's birthday and his present yet!  My days fly by and I'm just busy.  Then people ask what I do all day and I don't know?!  Well I could give a breakdown but come on who really wants to read about a stay at home mom's day?!!?  That's what I thought, snoozeville! 
I do a lot of canning, baking, and cooking though.  As well as lately reading many, many stories to Jacob.  He's always bringing a book and saying "read mom".  Yes we are up to pretty consistent 2 word sentences.  The other day while driving he said "stop, wait, go, fast, urch, stop, stop"  I wondered if I could tell the speech therapist that now he's saying 7 word sentences?!
Today we went and picked raspberries, this is my 3rd time going to pick the same bushes.  It was a challenge keeping the kids out of my bucket and me ahead of them on the bushes.  Jacob would sneak in front of me and be eating off of the bush.
So my big news that I have to share though is that I am buying land!  Finally I am actually working towards my dream of living on an acreage.  I've had a plan to buy a bit of land from my brother for a few years and finally this week he gave me a price and so now as soon as I go back to work I'll start paying for it and then hopefully within the next 2 years we will be moved out there.  I've looked at ready to move homes because they seem the most affordable on my budget and found a plan I liked right away but the company and I were playing phone tag.  I felt like I was trying on a wedding dress and even though I looked at several other layouts I kept comparing them to my original choice.  I thought that I was dreaming because based on the quotes from all the other companies for something similar it didn't look like I was going to be able to afford my dream home.  However sometimes its worth having dreams.  I found out today that the house is well within my budget, including it being moved and there is enough money leftover for me to have a basement as well.  I won't have a finished basement anytime soon but I will have a basement to create into more rooms later on if I need it.  So my dream house is a 3 bedroom 1-1/2 story 1063sq ft house.  It's a cabin/chalet style.  I'm so excited.  I've got all the prices down for all the utilites from my brother and his wife so I know a rough estimate of what it will cost. 
Jacob is even taking an interest.  I had the house plans laid out on the table and he said "our house?"  I said "you bet buddy, pretty soon, it will be our house."

JACOB's BIRTHDAY!!

Jacob turned 3 this week.  I wanted it of course to be special since it was his first birthday with his forever family.  So I wanted to make him a cake, well I had hoped to get someone else to make the cake but the short notice didn't allow for that so instead I made the cake.  It turned out okay for a first cake decorator I think.

He was so funny, once the candle was lit he didn't take his eyes off of the flame.

I had a BBQ with just the family to celebrate, still there was 14 of us here to celebrate his first birthday (for us that is).

I'll post more pictures later but instead of a bunch of gifts everyone chipped in and I bought him a little trampoline with the net. He dove right into the trampoline as soon as it was opened, I think his first birthday was a huge success!!

I remember now

So the last blog was a bunch of ramblings.  I remember now what I had intended to blog about.  I thought about it all weekend, of course when I don't have a computer readily available.  I did remember though so now I write.
I'm not much of a preachy person (not sure about the preachy word!)  I don't tend to talk a lot about God to my friends and family, or people in general.  I am open about the fact that I'm a Christian; someone who has accepted that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that he is my saviour.  What I've found is that people know this about me and they feel comfortable coming to me when they have questions about God, Jesus, the bible, etc.  This is when I do my speel about God and Jesus and how to get to heaven.  (Please forgive me for using a bunch of my own made up words on my blog, I tend to have my own language sometimes!  It just seemed appropriate to put that apology here.)
So anyways last week our pastor was still on holidays, he seemed like he had been gone forever!  I really like our pastor and his family, and his style of preaching the word.  He uses common sense and the bible to do his sermon, and I always like listening and hearing what God has in store for him to tell us.  Anyways, last week it was another fellow in our church who was doing the sermon.  I was a little disappointed when I realized it wouldn't be pastor Norm, but then Phillip started the sermon.  At the end of the sermon I knew I had to write about it.  (I know I'm a little forgetful as you can tell by the last blog, but I knew it would come back to me.)
Phillip talked about John 3:16-20.  Now most people know John 3:16; I think it's one of the most famous verses in the bible but it's the rest of the passage that hit me.

      16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

So I'm going to get preachy on my blog today.  It's my blog I can do what I want right? 
Jesus didn't come to judge us and say we aren't good enough for heaven, no he came to save us so that every single person on this planet who believed in him has the choice, yes I said choice, to go to heaven or hell.  You have a choice.  You may think, no I'm a good person I'll go to heaven.  Here's a news flash, you don't get into heaven by being a good person.
 From the bible : Romans 3:23For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. 25 For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.

You see we don't go to heaven by being good, sure we all think that we are good people but that isn't what God wants, he wants us to accept that Jesus died for you, for me, for all of us and this is how you go to heaven.  The ten commandments weren't given for us to follow, well yes they were, but they were also given so that we could all see that we are not perfect.  No one can live up to them.  No one but Jesus.  I've lied, I've disrespected my parents, I've stolen something I'm sure, magnets from work, no one can live up to those commandments.  So we are not as good as we all think!
Now some people may have stopped reading by now and thought, this isn't my cup of tea to read to day, for those of you that haven't I'm hoping that if you haven't already became a Christian and accepted that Jesus died for each of us then you will give this some serious thought.  See I always knew about heaven and I knew that I wanted to go there.  The choice is easy for me, heaven, where it is glorious, or hell where I am condemned to burn for eternity?  Yep, easy one for me. 
I know some people will say that people who believe in God are those who have weak minds and need to have faith in something.  I'll accept that wholly.  I would rather believe in a heaven than in nothing.  I find the latter to be bleak and grey.  I believe in God because he has preformed so many miracles in my own life that I know He exists and that he sent Jesus to die for my sins so that I may go to heaven one day. 
The biggest miracle right now is Jacob.  He could have potentially been adopted twice before me, yet God knew that this little boy was destined to be my son.  Some may think coincidence.  Okay, maybe.  How is it though that everything that I prayed to God for was granted in my son.  From his features, to his age, to his character, to his similarities to me?  Coincidence?  Nope, in my books a miracle.
So continue to believe what you wish and if that is God FANTASTIC!  If not please, give what I've said some thought.  Now you at least know your ticket into heaven and can make the CHOICE.

I don't know where to begin

I've thought about several things to blog about over the past week and yet as I sit in front of my computer with time to actually write I don't know what to say or where to begin.  I'm blaming it on hormones. 

I guess I'll start with that tomorrow is Jacob's birthday.  He will be 3.  He can say "three" when asked how old you are so that is as exciting as turning 3 to me.  His language is just developing each day. 
Last night before bed we were trying on hats.  This is a picture of him in one of them.  He's started to do this screwed up little face whenever he asks a question.  I think its so funny, I'm his mom of course and I tend to think everything he does is cute and funny though.

On the weekend we went to the city and met up with his previous foster parents.  It was a really good visit.  He was a bit apprehensive at first but by the end of the visit he was his natural little self.  It was also really good for me too.  I got to meet the parents and now have a great deal of thanks to them for raising and loving my little man for 14 months of his life. 

After the visit we went to a farmer's market, picked up the usual, new baby potatoes. 

In the evening I met up with a friend that I hadn't seen in 10 years!  It was great to see her in person, (I can't say face to face because we sometimes skype and so I've seen her there).  We dated back to how we had actually first met and chuckeled about it. 

It's great to have those kind of friends, the ones that you may only see every 10 years, and talk to every few months but that you know your still good friends. 

Since being off I've realized what I expect in a friend.  Now some may think that is very forward of me to say "what I expect" but I don't think so.  Why is it that you can have expectations of what you want in a partner but you can't have state that you have expectations of a friend.  To heck with that, I'm saying it.  I have certain expectations of my friends.  They aren't outlandish expectations, similar to what anyone would say I would think.  Treat me with respect, because I respect you.  Be an understanding ear when I need it, because I do the same for you.  Keep in touch, because I do it.  That's it, that's all.  Really not a big list but it's funny that as I grow older I find that I'm being pickier about my friends.  I don't feel the need to be surrounded by people and a big group of friends.  Maybe that's why I removed myself from facebook.  I promise I won't go on and on about facebook but here is my one rant.  Updating your status is not keeping in touch with people.  I find that so many people think that they are keeping in touch with distant friends and family by reading their status and updating their own.  This is not communicating people, this is making a statement for all your 346 friends to view and move on.  I just don't get it. 

I've realized since being home I'm a traditional person, more traditional than I ever thought.  I'm domestic, I love to do the domestic things.  I like to spend time with kids more so than adults; kids are so innocent and marvel at the littlest things that adults take for granted.  And, I like to keep in contact with people the old fashioned way of having them over for coffee or talking on the phone. 
Now don't get me wrong I did like facebook when I was on it but now I don't think I will ever use the site again.  I don't see the need for it when we have telephones that do still work. 

Well that's my rant and ramblings for this week. 

Next time I'll try to be more focused and stay on only one topic.

Field Trips

Since I have no big holidays planned for the summer I told the kids that I watch that Wednesday would be fieldtrip day each week.  So far we've gone on 3 fieldtrips, Floating Stone lake, Cold Lake, and Lloydminster for the fair.  Here are some of our pictures out and about.

This was Floating Stone

The Marina in Cold Lake

Holding a lizard at the Lloydminster fair.

Of course had to stop and have some fries to re-energize!

Petting animals at the petting zoo.

Even road on a train!!!!!!!!!

Colton decided he would ride on the bumper cars.

 

Where else are we going to go this summer?  Well just wait and see, will post pictures of our trips later!!!

Hallelujah, hallejuah, do you hear the harps????

Mr. Jacob has developed a quirky habit.  He screams whenever he has to go to bed or when he wakes up.  Now if it was just one scream that would be okay(sort of ) but no it's screaming for anywhere from 5-75 mins.  He's crying and screaming, and plopping himself on the floor, and spitting, and throwing his covers off his bed, and his books off the bookcase, coming out of his room, trying to come into my room, quite the ordeal I would say.  How it started; I'm not really sure?!  A few weeks ago he woke up in the middle of the night, I went to soothe him and he wouldn't let me leave, literally he clung to me and everytime I attempted to leave it was a scream.  Now I have become tuned into the different cries and screams, the mad, the scared, the hurt, the whine.  This is the mad scream.  The "I'm mad at you, stay here with me dang it 'cause that's what I want!!" cry/scream.  So that night, it was 2 hours, yes 2 hours of him screaming spitting, throwing himself off the bed, the whole ordeal.  Finally he played himself out and went to sleep on his floor.  So I figured out one thing that night, soothing him at this point isn't going to happen.  Actually I learned a lot that night.  I'm patient, more patient than I thought.  I didn't get mad at him, I felt bad that he was in this state.  I realized this is one time being a single parent is definately easier because if there were two of us for sure by the first hour we would be fighting about what to do to get him to stop.  Instead I just kept saying "I love you, goodnight."  After about the 4th time I realized this wasn't helping, everytime I made contact or got closer to him and then backed away he got more mad.  So instead I just left him.  I went back to bed and he eventually did too. 
So my strategy for the next time it happened was to not even go to him if he cried.  Sure enough the next night it happened and I didn't go to him.  Within 5 minutes he was back asleep.  Next night it happened again, and again I did not go to him, this time maybe 3 minutes of crying and then quiet. 
So your thinking, well this isn't bad she beat this dilemma.  Um, no.  Then a few nights later we were camping in my parents RV and it was the 2nd night there.  He started to cry, I was in a deep sleep, not thinking, yes not thinking (it's like a scary movie, your thinking don't do it!) You know it, I went to him to try and soothe him.  Well an hour later of the full out tantrum I finally just turned my back to him and he went and sat on the couch silent.  Then in the morning I found him back in his bed asleep. 
Then we came home and every time it is nap or bedtime he has a tantrum.  Sometimes its an hour sometimes its 45 minutes.  I was at a loss.  What do I do?  Now don't get me wrong, I am secretly really happy about these tantrums. Why???  Well in my mind he wants me and that's what is causing the tantrum so this means that he has completely bonded to me. 
So I tried putting him to bed and then me going to my room with the door closed.  This didn't seem to help, tantrums still occurred.  Finally two nights ago I thought I should try telling him what is going to happen next.  Tell him what the sequence of events is going to be.  Now this is a strategy that I used to use with 4 boys who had FASD and it worked so well.  Then my sister in law used it with her girls for bedtime and she called me one day to tell me how well it worked.  So the other night I told Jacob, it was going to be bath, snack, then bed.  He said "Snuggle?"  I said, sure, it will be bath, snack, snuggle then bed time.  So that is what we did and everytime he asked about snack, I would repeat the sequence of events.  It worked, yes there was some crying, but only 30 minutes.  Then for nap yesterday I did the same thing, told him the sequence, well 15 minutes of crying.  Last night again, snack, snuggle, bed.  NO CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No, he didn't fall asleep right away but there was no tantrum!  So I don't know if it was the letting him know the sequence, the extra snuggle time, or what but whatever it is it worked.  I know that we will have setbacks but I think I've solved some of our nightly quirks for now.  
Oh parenting is still the best job in the world, even when you have big bags under your eyes and the only thing you can utter is "coffee, coffee, coffee"  

The Best Date of My Life

We decided that it was high time that we went on a date, just the two of us. 

We mutually decided on pizza, I like this about him, he lets us decide together instead of forcing me to make all the decisions, or him always deciding. 

We got a booth, just for the two of us. 

We shared a pizza, just for the two of us. 

It was perfect.  I said "I love you" and he leaned over to give me a kiss.

We decided to have the best of both worlds and have a warm brownie (my favorite) with icecream (his favorite) for dessert.  We ate it all until the plate was clean. 

He was a perfect gentleman and held the door for me and held my hand whenever I grabbed it.

Yep, the best date of my life. 

Now I just have to bath him and put him to bed.

You see I've always thought that my sons and I would every so often have a date night.  Jacob and I haven't had a date night, just the two of us at a restaurant since he came home to me.  We ate together when we were meeting eachother in the city but since being home we just haven't done it.  We've gone to the movies together but not to a restaurant without other people joining in.  So tonight was the night. 

I feel like crap, I have a horrible hacking cough on top of my badly bruised ribs I felt it was the perfect night to dress up and go out together.  Of course we could have both just got into our pj's, ordered pizza, and sat on the couch cuddled up and not left the house, but that wouldn't have been a date now would it?! 

I'm so glad we went and it is going to be a tradition, not every week but every so often just Jacob and I will go on a date. 

I got bucked off a horse last week and almost a week later I'm still just as sore.  I landed on my hip but I think I must have bruised my ribs because they are oh so sore.  As long as I'm moving I'm fine but the minute I stop and then have to move again it is painful.  I hate being hurt and sick, it sucks because you know that you don't feel 100% yet you don't know when it is again that you will feel back to normal.  Annoying is what it is more than anything. 

Well we are going to stay at my parents farm for the week in their RV, my version of camping, much cheaper but still have the feel for camping.  So I need to pack and get ready to go.  With that said I probably won't be blogging much for the next couple of weeks.

ramblings of a blogger

I finally broke down and got Jacob's hair cut.  My brother's told me that I was a cruel mom for not getting it cut short in the summer so I did it.  Now thinking back about it though I should ask Cory if he is going to get his girl's hair cut short too?!

Saturday I got to see Jen and her baby.  We have been friends since we were 10 and best friends since we were 14.  It's been a long, good haul as friends.  We've both had our moments and there was a time that I wasn't sure that we would rekindle our friendship but that's the funny thing about motherhood, you realize who is important in your life and you hold on to them.  Jen and I actually became mom's only 20 days apart.  She was pregnant when I found out about being matched with Jacob.  It's been a neat experience to become mom's together.  I can share stories about what to expect at a 2 year old level and she can tell me all about the baby phase.  It was great to see her and spend some time together. 

On Sunday we met up with Jacob's first foster mom and family.  I thought it was a great visit and day.  I knew that one day we would meet and in my books the sooner the better.   It was great to see the other children interacting with Jacob and reminiscing about the baby they knew and fill me in on him as a baby.  I'm hoping it is the first of many visits.

Today I experimented with making tortillas.  I got a recipe off of the http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/.  It seemed easy enough and it totally was.  I am never buying tortilla's again, only having homemade ones.  There is such a difference in the texture and taste.  Plus I know what I am putting into my mouth with homemade food, so that is always a perk in my books.  I realized at supper tonight that I eat a lot of homemade/home grown food.  For example on the menu tonight was Mexican tortilla's of course!  So homemade tortilla bread, home raised beef from my mom and dad for the ground beef.  The lettuce was grown in my garden, and the salsa I made.  The only things that weren't produced by me and my family was the cheese and sour cream, and by goshy golly (seemed like a moment that those words fit) if I had a dairy cow I might have made that too! 

I love cooking and baking and am really hoping that when I do dreadfully return to work I will still find the time to do it all.  I know I will, I love doing it too much and think that it's too important to eat good whole foods rather than processed so I will, I'll just have to organize myself a bit.

Well that's enough ramblings for tonight.